


Corrupting Her Innocence

by jordanthenerd



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen Smut, Dom/sub, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Innocence, Jealous Cullen, Loss of Virginity, Mild Smut, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-31 14:39:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12683931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordanthenerd/pseuds/jordanthenerd
Summary: Estel Lavellan has lead a life of sheltered, protected innocence that has managed to remain intact since her bloody childhood. As First to the Keeper of Clan Lavellan, Estel never had time nor intrigue to make bonds with any one person since the nomad life of the wandering elves always came calling first. But as events toil and twist Estel ends up in the hands of the Inquisition as their beloved Herald of Andraste, she is certain that a particular Commander of the Inquisition has planted a parasite of nagging wonder under her skin.But with his aversion to mages and anything to do with magic, will she ever get close enough to understand the former Knight Templar? With innocence as profound as Estel's, she is begging to understand these new, confusing feelings that have tainted her mind. Little does she know, Commander Cullen has had a few sinful thoughts of his own...





	1. Prisoner of War

_....It was cold...her heart hammered in her chest like the beating wings of a hummingbird...her legs burning and screaming with overexertion...the pitter patter of the arachnid legs striking deep into the silt of the earth spurred her faster...her lungs felt close to collapsing as she spat and coughed, struggling for oxygen....she lunged again, struggling over the ridges of rock toward the beacon of light...the warm beacon in the throes of darkness and despair..._

_How had she gotten here? The answers left her as the humanoid beacon anxiously extended its hand, closer to the elven girl who's weary legs began to give way...and then, with the arachnids nipping just centimeters from her heels, she expended the last bit of her waining energy in one final jump...as her fingertips brushed the beacon, there was a spark of energy, the color a nauseatingly bright green she had never seen before...and then-_

Gone in a swarm of buzzing white light that seemed to settle in every apex of her vision...and as her vision settled, her strength finally dissipated, her quivering arms that were barely supporting her under this new ground bent with a click as she collapsed in a heap on the ground of rubble. Distantly, she could make out the jingling of armor and withdrawing sword closing in, shouts and yells slowly fading into nothing...Yet she knew one thing was certain. She was no longer in the space of despair she lingered before, and the beacon had sent her back to the realm of the living where she belonged.

She accepted unconsciousness with open arms. 

  **Dungeons**

**Haven**

**Western Ferelden, Frostback Mountains**

_Drip, drip, drip, drip..._

Estel could make out the faint sound of leaking beads of water splattering against a stone surface as she slowly eased back into consciousness...Her knees ached against the cold, rocky floor...however, she was spurred back into consciousness entirely when she tried to move her hands, finding them bound and cuffed before her, and her left hand did something completely out of the ordinary. It sparked with a magic she had never used or seen before, green energy crackled around her fingers and laced around her wrist. 

She blinked groggily, rotating her left hand in the cuffs when the energy reared its head angrily in another swarm of energetic green magic, ripping a startled gasp from her lips. A door in front of her swung open and in marched a woman, strong and assertive with cropped black hair dusting her forehead, an intimidating glare settled in her loathing brown eyes. Upon her entry, the soldiers Estel hadn't even realized were there, sheathed their swords. Behind the hard stared woman with the shield and sword entered another female, her gait smooth and light, auburn hair peeking out from under the hood of her purple and lilac robes. 

The two circled Estel like rabid, hungry wolves eyeing a baby rabbit. Estel didn't know who to fear more, the abrasive warrior or the light stepped rogue... She all but jolted out of her skin when the warrior's voice spoke a centimeter from her ear. 

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now." Her voice was thick with a Nevarran accent. "The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you," The warrior paced slightly around the imprisoned elven girl as she kept her eyes trained on her. Flashes of memories began to scorch through Estel's mind and a pit of nausea began to form in her gut as she made the horrified realization of what had happened. People were dead. A lot of people. But she couldn't recall enough details to make a concrete defense, so, biting down her tears and bile, she responded only with silence. 

The warrior woman's upper lip twitched impatiently as she reached a gloved hand out and grabbed Estel's thin wrist with brutal strength, causing the elven girl to wince at the bruising pain. "Explain this," She demanded as Estel's left hand sparked with more unknown, green energy. The strange and frightening abnormality quipped the young girl's stuttering response. 

"I-I can't," She stammered as the warrior roughly threw down the girl's wrist. 

"What do you mean you can't!" She snarled at the girl as the two women began to pace around her again, Estel's arm hairs standing up in alert as she tried to keep them both in her vision. 

"I don't know what that is!" Estel denied, a slight shake of her head. "Or how it got there,"

"You're lying!" She roared, the wolf finally attacking as the warrior seized the elven girl. The light stepped woman placed a hand upon the warrior's breastplate, gently easing her away from Estel. 

"We need her, Cassandra," The soft spoke woman reminded the warrior named 'Cassandra'. The woman placed her body between the two, and Estel couldn't tell if it was for her own or Cassandra's. 

"I-I don't understand," Estel spoke, the empty voids in her memory stirred her irritation. 

"Do you remember what happened?" She hooded woman asked her. "How this began?" Estel kept a trained eye on Cassandra who slowly walked around the woman. 

"I...I remember running," Estel struggled to recall. "Things were chasing me, and then...a woman?" 

"A woman?" The woman repeated with intrigue. 

"She reached out to me...but then..." Estel's voice faltered and Cassandra began to usher the hooded lady away. 

"Go to the forward camp, Lelianna, I will take her to the rift," Cassandra spoke soundly, turning another hard gaze on the elven girl. The hooded woman, Lelianna, gave a curt nod and left the room. Cassandra approached the girl and dropped to her knees, unlatching the cuffs around her wrist. 

"What  _did_ happen?" Estel asked softly, her eyes lingering on the battle-hardened warrior. Her wrists remained bound when Cassandra drug her to her feet, though not as roughly as she attacked her earlier. 

"It...will be easier to show you," Begrudgingly, Estel began to follow the warrior out of the dungeons. She was still adorned in her thin, uniform. The scarf pushed up high against her chin and the short sleeve, light chainmail offered a slight bit of defense against the beating forces of what was to come. The doors of the building were pushed open, and her skin was abused by the icy winds of the Frostbacks. Nudged outside, she could make out shambles of a village blanketed in snow, and she craned her head, she felt her jaw unhinge as she took in the massive, green rip in the sky above a mountain, spiraling, neon energy crackled and sparked from the gaping hole. 

"We call it the breach," Cassandra spoke. "It's a massive rift in the world of demons that grows larger with each parting hour..it's not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave," 

"An explosion can do that?" Estel stated dubiously trying to make sense of the remnants of her memories that still remained. 

"This one did," Cassandra turned to approach her elven prisoner. "Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world," Estel now noted the lovely feminine edge to Cassandra's appearance, interrupted only by a long scar on the left side of her jaw. As the two stared at the green rip in the sky, a lightening of neon green exploded from the rift and simultaneously, Estel's left hand. The elven mage gave out a pained screech as a shot of white-hot pain raced through the meat of her palm, electrocuting every nerve and fiber, as the same green energy wrapped around her lithe wrist. Estel crippled to the ground, clutching her hand tightly as if to squeeze the pain out. 

Cassandra dropped to her knee before the elven girl. "Each time the breach expands, your mark spreads. And it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this. But there isn't much time," 

At this statement, Estel's eyes widened as the risk for her life became very,  _very_ prominent. "So if I do what you want, will I live through it?" Estel asked, her thin brows knitting together. Cassandra gauged her with a look veiled in mystery. She couldn't tell if the warrior was sympathizing with her or wishing her dead already. 

"We have no way of knowing," Cassandra answered soundly. Her words were harsh, agreeing with the latter of her prior thoughts. But as Cassandra gently helped the girl to her feet by the back of her arm, Estel could almost feel the sympathy...

They began the trek through Haven, soldiers and citizens alike throwing harsh glares and glowers at the elf, sneering down their noses and spitting under their breaths at her... and some didn't even have the common courtesy to do it under their breath. 

"They have already decided your guilty, they need it," Cassandra explained and Estel could understand. They needed someone to act as an outlet for their anguish and confusion. What better person than the sketchy elf who was spying on the Conclave, and ended up being the only one to survive the explosion? "The people of Haven mourn our most holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars," They finally escaped the public eye and moseyed down a rubble path toward a gate. "She brought their leaders together now, they are dead,"

The large gates creaked open, Estel following the Warriors lead. "We lash out like the sky, but we must think beyond ourselves. As she did. Until the breach is sealed," Cassandra paused in front of Estel, finally giving the girl time to evaluate their new setting. It was a bridge, nestled high above ground, and coated in frost. They had exited the city of Have, thank the Maker, but Estel was ripped out of her momentary relief by the sound of daggar withdrawing. 

Cassandra was on the other end of said daggar as it was brandished towards the small elf. Estel swallowed roughly, wondering absently if the warrior brought the girl out here just to gut her like a fish. 

"There will be a trial," Cassandra answered her thoughts as she grabbed the girl's tied wrists. "I can promise no more..." In one swift motion, Estel's hands were freed and she rubbed her sore wrists gently, attempting to nurse proper blood flow back to her hands that had gone numb from the lack of circulation and the frigid temperatures. "Come, it is not far,"  _What isn't far?_

"Where are you taking me?" Estel asked, her eyes darting up toward the warrior who scowled at the girl. 

"Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the breach," Cassandra answered her. Estel sighed and began to follow the hard skinned woman across the bridge, where soldiers both injured and uninjured alike glared at her with malice. "Open the gates, we are heading into the valley," Cassandra cried as they neared the second set of gates that creeked open upon command. The path up the mountain was rimmed with spiked blockades that glinted devilishly in the light. Just as they managed to complete thee foruths of the icy path, there was another crack of green lightening and the energy swarmed Estel's left hand. With a pained shriek, the elf fell to the ground. 

Surprisingly, she could feel Cassandra's strudy hands easing her to her feet as Estel grimaced in agony, her hand vibrating with shocks and jolts of pain. " The pulses are coming faster now," Cassandra righted the girl, giving her a slight pat. "The larger the breach grows, the more rifts appear and the more demons we face,"

"How did I survive the blast?" Estel finally asked the warrior who's eyes glimmered with something close to awe or hatred...she still couldn't figure her out yet. 

"They said you...stepped out of the rift. Then fell unconscious. They say a woman was in the rift behind you, no one knows who she was," Cassandra answered the elf, gesturing her along. "Everything farther in the valley was layed waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes. I suppose you'll see soon enough," 

At last they made it to another bridge, Cassandra hurrying her along when a strike of green energy struck the bridge, turning it to rublle and singing the soldiers ahead of her to a fine, and dead, crisp. When the sturdy ground left Estel's feet and she felt herself falling, she didn't bother with screaming and focused on bracing herself for impact. 

 _Bam!_ Estel felt the wind become summoned from her diaphragm as she landed ahrd on her ribcage, a long groan withdrawing from her lips. Struggling, Estel's forced her weary body to her feet, gasping for air. Her eyes widened as she saw a fireball of green shooting toward them and landed short, into the small pond before them. And then, out of the bubbling scorch in the earth, a demon emerged rearing its ugly head. Estel heard the telltale sound of a sword and was less than surprised to see Cassandra charging forward to take out the shade, snarling at her to stay back as she handled this. 

But at her own feet, a similar bubbling green scorch began to formulate growing like an infectious puss pocket. Estel glanced around frantically, looking for anything she could use to ward off the threat closing in, when her eyes fell upon a familiar object....a staff, sleek and wooden...Estel decided not to dwell on the details. A staff was a staff and in the hands of a practiced mage like herself, it was her new best friend. She lurched, grabbing the staff before turning back just in time as another shade ejected from the ground, hissing, and wailing. 

Estel twirled the staff elegantly with practiced hands and was mildly surprised to see a streak of ice hit her opponent. Ice was her second best form of practiced magic she had mastered when using staves. She didn't expect to luck out so. The shade shrieked and Estel began to attack relentlessly. When the demon grew closer, Estel grimaced and spun her staff quickly, before driving it into the earth before the demon, and sent a flash fire upon the shade, catching it into an inferno that sent the beast into a panic. Whilst it scrambled, Ella continued her assault until it collapsed onto the ground in a dead heap, it's body disappearing quickly. 

"Good, it's over," Estel breathed, noticing how Cassandra pinned the final peg in the shade she was dealing with. But let out a shocked gasp when Cassandra charged her. 

"Drop your weapon," Cassandra demanded cruelly. Estel blinked, clutching the staff more tightly as it filled her with a soothing sense of warmth and security. She felt...safe with the staff her hands. "Now!"

"A demon attacked me!" Estel objected, holding the staff closely against her body. "What was I supposed to do?"

"You don't  _need_ to fight," Cassandra argued with her as Estel felt her annoyance flare for the bull-headed woman. 

"Are you saying it won't happen again?" Estel sarcastically quipped and Cassandra fumbled for a reasonable ground to argue before she gave in with a sigh. 

"You're right..." The warrior begrudgingly admitted, sheathing her sword. "I cannot protect you. And I cannot expect you to be defenseless...you're life is threatened enough as it is..."

Cassandra began to leave the elven girl in her wake. Estel lay a feeble hand against her forehead and scrubbed it down her face as she let out a bothersome sigh. Never, in a thousand years, did she expect  _this_ to be the kind of situation she would end up in. This was the complete, polar opposite of what her life was like with her clan of Dalish Lavellans. Little did she know, things would only go downhill from here...

 


	2. The Temple of Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Estel has gathered strong company to escort her to the Temple of Ashes, some of the voids in her memories become filled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of long but heyy we finally met Cullen! nom nom... next chapter should be better. Sorry guys.

**Valley of the Frostbacks**

**Ferelden**

Varric and Solas. 

The introductions had been as short as Cassandra's. Varric was a humorously mouthy dwarf with a crossbow called Bianca, and Solas was an egghead mage. Solas had grasped Estel's hand upon appearance and shoved it at the rift, somehow seeling the rift shut with an implosion. The only thing that lingered more than the tingle in her palm, was Solas's haunting words.  _It is good to know you hold the key to our salvation_....

 _I don't want to hold the key to anyone's salvation!_ Estel thought indignantly. She was pleased to meet Solas under common ground as they were both considered apostates by the chantry.

"We must get to the forward camp immediately," Cassandra spoke without room for argument. Estel deflated visibly when her back was turned, as did Varric as they both exchanged a look. 

 _"Well..._ Bianca's excited," Varric commented half-heartedly, earning a snort from the elven girl.  _Maybe this little dwarf will make this journey a little less...loathsome..._

It wasn't too long into their journey through the snow banks did they encounter their first fight as a functioning group, and Varric let out a curse when an icy spell flew just over his head from the pretty little mage behind him. The group glanced back at Estel who was winding her staff through the air with the elegance and grace of a practiced dancer. As both new party members regarded her with praising stairs, Cassandra's battle cry ripped them back to the present as they took their readied positions against the flock of demons, shades, and wraiths. 

When at last, the final wraith fell, Estel could hear Solas' voice speaking. 

"You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here?" His sentence made her heart drop into the pits of her stomach and she bristled ever so slightly, not liking that he was prying into her clan's affairs.

"What do you know about the Dalish?" She tried to sway him. 

"I have wondered many roads in my time, crossed paths with your people on many occasions,"  _He is an elf, is he not?_

"We are both of the same people, Solas," Estel spoke, her voice as cold as the frost falling around them.

"The Dalish I met felt differently on the subject," 

"Can't you elves just play nice for once," Varric sighed tirelessly at the slight banter. Up a frosty slope, Varric voiced his next question. "So...are you innocent?"

"I don't remember what happened," She answered him honestly as they scaled a flight of stairs. 

"That'll get you every time. Should have spun a story," Varric sighed as Estel glanced over her shoulder in enough time to see Cassandra sneer at the dwarf. 

"That's what  _you_ would have done," Cassandra corrected him coldly and he grinned at her.

"It's more believable. And less prone to result in premature execution," As soon as Varric got the last word in, more demon shades were upon them, and Estel could not withdraw her staff quickly enough as she smited one down with a bolt of lightning. 

"If we could please focus on not dying!" Estel shouted over the tizzy unfolding. They picked through the new wave easily, and Cassandra sheathed her sword, her brown eyes creasing with worry. 

"I hope Lelianna made it through all of this," 

"She's resourceful, Seeker," Varric reassured the troubled warrior. 

"We will see for ourselves at the forward camp," Solas commented. "We're almost there,"

But at the top of the hill, another neon green rift shimmered, wraiths floating around it. Estel's left hand began to glimmer with the same green energy, reacting in accord with the rift. "We must seal it, quickly!" She managed to hear Solas shout among another soldier's cry for aid. Estel used a practiced ice spell on a wraith readying its attack, the winter's grasp freezing the spirit solid as her companions charged forward. Estel's lithe body moved languidly as she twirled the staff, sending well-aimed spell after spell toward the wraiths as if the staff was an extension of her own body. At last, she aimed her hand towards the rift, watching as the rift seemed to melt in the air, green energy falling like thick tears as her hand began to grow warm with vibrant energy until...Another implosion like earlier, the only remnants of the rift existing were the fleeting green sparkles of energy floating in the cruel breeze. 

 At last, Estel picked up her head to evaluate the gates, similar to the ones near Haven.  _This must be the Farward Camp..._ Estel hypothesized. "The rift is gone, open the gate!" Cassandra shouted. 

" _Right away, Lady Cassandra,_ " 

 _She is no lady..._ Estel thought to herself as she gazed at the blood-soaked warrior in  _extreme_ caution. 

"We are clear for the moment, well done," Solas praised his fellow female, elven mage. 

"Whatever that thing on your hand is, it's useful," Varric commented as Estel began to stare at her wrist. The gates creaked open and Estel and her party entered, relieved to be in a safe zone for even just a moment. Cassandra moved past the elf to a nearby supply cache to restock the potions they had used while Varric began to loot a nearby chest for goods. Solas was the only one who remained nearby and Estel wasn't even quite sure that was a good thing. The only thing the two had in common was they were both, apostate, elven, mages. 

Cassandra and Varric regrouped as they pressed along, finding Lelianna in a heated argument with a man dressed in Chantry robes. 

" _-Ah_ , here they come," He sneered at the group, namely Estel who shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Lelianna stepped forward and the elven girl was slightly pleased to see a familiar face, even though they had not met under proper circumstance. 

"You made it," Lelianna breathed, eyeing the four with relief. "Chancellor Rodrick, this is-," 

"I  _know_ who she is," Rodrick cut off Lelianna as he turned another pointed gaze on Estel. "As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution," 

Estel grimaced and glanced at Cassandra who cocked her head ever so slightly as if trying to interpret what the man was saying...and  _who_ he was saying it to. 

"Order  _me_? You are a glorified clerk! A bureaucrat!" Cassandra spat incredulously and Estel couldn't fight the smug smirk that threatened her lips. 

"And you are a thug. But a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry," Chancellor Rodrick retorted. 

"We serve the most holy, Chancellor, as you well know," Lelianna defended Cassandra firmly. 

"Justinia is dead!" He snapped, grasping at the air around him as if to try and reign himself in. "We must elect a replacement and obey her orders on the matter," 

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Estel spat at Rodrick who glowered at her. 

"You shouldn't even  _be_ here!" Cassandra moved in between the elf and Chancellor. "Call a retreat, Seeker, our position here is hopeless," 

"We can stop this before it's too late," The warrior spoke soundly. 

"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers,"

"We must get to the temple, it's the quickest route," Cassandra argued. 

"But not the safest," Lelianna put in. "Our forces can charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains," She pointed up to a particular mountaintop. 

"We lost contact with an entire squad on that path," Cassandra shook her head. "It's too risky," 

"Listen to me," Rodrick plead. "Abandon this now, before more lives are lost," 

There was an ominous clap of thunder as green lightning escaped the breach in the sky, Estel winced, feeling her hand grow warm and buzzing like pins in needles uncomfortably. She clutched her shaking hand, laced with the green energy to try and steady herself. When she looked up, Cassandra was before her, those brown eyes staring at Estel coldly. 

"How do you think we should proceed," She demanded and Estel blanched. 

"Now you're asking me what I think?" Estel quipped nervously, not wanting a hand in _any_ of this. 

"You have the mark," Solas piped. 

"And you are the one we must keep alive since we cannot agree on our own,"

Estel was tired of fighting. She was tired of this breach. And damn it all, she was tired of the snow. She wanted to be back with her fellow Lavellan's, drinking hot cider and roasting her feet by a fire. Cassandra had stated Estel needed to stay alive, and Lelianna mentioned that her route was the safest...

"Use the mountain path, work together, you all know what's at stake," Estel answered at last and noticed the way Cassandra's face curled with regret as she turned to her hooded friend. 

"Lelianna, bring everyone in the valley,  _everyone_ ," Cassandra demanded. As Estel followed the warrior, she heard Rodric mutter bitterly,

"On your head be the consequences, seeker," 

**Temple of Sacred Ashes**

**Frostback Mountains**

**Ferelden**

If it wasn't enough that Estel had to face a fear of heights she didn't know she had even  _acquired_ on the series of ladders leading up to the mining tunnels, she now was running dark, dank shafts and corridors, sending spells at shadows and listening to Varric's deep, throaty laughter reverberating off the walls at her jumpy misfortune. 

"What!" Estel snapped at the dwarf. "There have been demons and wraiths around every corner, Tethras, how would you expect me to act!" She demanded as she left the burning tapestry in her wake. He grinned toothily, waving her off as she burned shamefully at her frostbitten cheeks. Now, out of the mining tunnels, they bypassed the fallen soldier bodies as they quickly realized more were fighting a fade rift up ahead on the path. This one was much trickier than the last few she had encountered, but her companions made quick work of the affair. 

When all was calm, Estel noticed Cassandra holding up a weary soldier who was blubbering her thanks to the elven girl, and Cassandra vocally realized it was because of Estel's quick wit decision that they were even on this path to be able to save the remaining soldiers in the first place.

"Sealed, as before, you are becoming quite proficient at this," Solas commended Estel who eyed her hand with distaste.

"Let's hope it works on the big one," Varric spoke, staring up at the breach. 

" _Lady Cassandra_ ," Estel perked at the sound of a new, male voice. "You managed to close the rift, well done," 

"Do not congratulate me, Commander," Cassandra shook her head as Estel pinpointed the newcomer. "This is the prisoner's doing," 

Estel narrowed her eyes at the man with honey blonde hair, flakes of snow caught in his mane. He was tall and burly, broad-shouldered and adorned in thick clothes of red. His cloak matched the color scheme, with a fur mantle on top, and he was adorned in armored gauntlets, chest plates, and shin guards. Yet through the raging snow and ice, Estel could both see and feel his scorching gaze upon her tender, cold skin. His eyes were a molten gold, perhaps a burning amber, with an intoxicating whiskey brown.

Indeed, he was _quite_ handsome. Estel noted how his face was carved like a statue, his full lips tugging in a slight sneer as he acknowledged the elven girl. 

"Is it?" He asked curtly. "I hope they're right about you, we've lost a lot of people getting you here," And there was the dip in his brows, indicating a glare at the girl whose knowledge of the current events occurring could hardly fill a teaspoon. 

"You're not the only one hoping that," Estel muttered, her eyes falling to the ground embarrassedly. 

"We'll see soon enough, won't we," He spoke harshly, her stomach turning at his tone.  _Don't act so upset because a ruggedly handsome man thinks lowly of you, Lavellan, get yourself together..._ "The way to the temple should be clear, Leliana will try to meet you there,"

"Then we'd best move quickly," Cassandra nodded. "Give us time, Commander,"

"Maker watch over you, for all our sakes," The man Cassandra referred to as  _Commander_ spoke lowly as he trotted away, casting one last parting look toward the troop, his eyes settling on the elven girl who held, quite possibly, the fate of the  _world_ in her hands. Estel watched as he stopped to help a struggling soldier, lifting the sod with such brute strength he could carry him off...And so, the surviving soldiers were sent back to recuperate while Cassandra, Varric, Solas, and Estel pressed on ahead. 

But what lies ahead was not what any of them recalled as the once proud Temple of Sacred Ashes. It was more of a scorch in the earth, a black crater, charred with bodies, rubble, and ash. Estel had trouble wrapping her grated thoughts and shredded memories around this blackened place of despair. 

"The Temple of Sacred Ashes," Solas commented solemnly. 

"What's left of it," Varric muttered. 

"That is where you walked out of the fade, and our soldiers found you," Cassandra softly spoke as they navigated their way through the scorched rubble. "They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was," 

As they walked, Estel's heart began to ache and break with every corpse she passed. The disgusting stench of burning, rotting flesh hung in the air, making the elf gag as she fought back tears.  _How did I...surviv this?_ Some corpses were permanently burned in a solid standing position, shielding themselves from the blast and even unaware that the world around them was burning in hellfire. Estel and the others quickly searched for a way into the temple, coming up with the remnants of a sunken corridor. At the other end of the corridor was an open space, shambled with rock and debris. Yet in the middle, was the largest rift Estel had yet to encounter. It crackled and sizzled angrily, green static bristling as Estel neared. 

"The breach is a long way up," Varric noted as they walked. 

"You're here!" Estel jumped at the new voice behind her, watching as Leliana rushed toward them. "Thank the maker,"

"Leliana, have your men take up positions around the temple," Cassandra instructed immediately before turning to face the elven girl, who's eyes were wide with fear of the unknown. 

"I-It's huge," Estel softly squeaked out 

"This is your chance to end things, are you ready?" The warrior asked her, drawing her attention momentarily. 

"I-I'm not sure how to even start getting up to that thing," 

"No, this rift was the first, and it is the key," Solas spoke, his eyes latched to the rift. "Seal it, and perhaps we seal the breach," 

"Then let's find a way down, and be careful," 

Estel nodded, steeling her resolve as she began to navigate their way through the rubble of the temple....' _Now is the hour of our victory'_....The voice was deep, and haunting as it echoed through the shambles temple. Estel's head ached at the magnitude, and strangely, the mark tingled in her left hand...' _Bring forth the sacrifice'..._  

"What are we hearing?" Cassandra managed out, horror creeping into her tone as they scaled a staircase and turned down a corridor. Estel swallowed, deja vu taunting her. 

"At a guess, the person who created the breach..." Solas theorized. That was when they came upon a peculiar obstacle. Sure, the rocks and rubble here were still glowing with either heat or the green energy of the fade...but this stone was solid red. 

"You know this stuff is red lyrium, seeker?" Varric spat. 

"I see it, Varric," Cassandra grunted. 

"But what's it  _doing_ here?" 

Estel could barely focus on their conversation, her head ached, racking itself to retrieve memories that were sapped away by magical amnesia....

_'Keep the sacrifice still...'_

_'Someone, help me!'_

"That is Divine Justinia's voice!" Cassandra stated horrifically as they raced along the walls and down another flight of stairs. At last they dropped into the open graveyard of carcasses and debris, the rift crackling again as Estel drew closer....

 _'What's going on here?'_ Estel flinched at the familiar voice and Cassandra gazed at her with curiosity. 

"That was your voice," Cassandra stated. "Most Holy called out to you but..."

The rift separated, unveiling a scene in muted color...Divine Justinia was subdued in red shackles of energy, an ominous, abysmal figure standing over her....And then Estel entered, her long blonde hair swaying from side to side as she repeated herself, the Divine shouted for her to run and escape... _'We have an intruder...slay the elf'_

The scene disappeared and Cassandra gasped, "You were there! Who attacked? And the Divine, was she...was this vision true? What are we seeing!?" Cassandra demanded angrily and Estel glared at her. 

"I don't remember, I told you," Regret pooled in the elf's stomach.

_Why...why can't I just remember..._


	3. The Inquistion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rift has been sealed. Now, Estel is entitled to proper introductions...and apologies.
> 
> Chapter Song: Cherry Wine - Hozier

**Haven**

**Frostback Mountains**

**Ferelden**

Commander Cullen could not deny his guilt when half an hour after his brief encounter with the elven prisoner, Cassandra and the apostate mage Solas came rushing by, holding the unconscious mage. These particular events ensued shortly after the explosion in the remains of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and the breach ceased to spread. He allowed himself to openly admit that he had acted rather coldly towards her, but who could really blame him? The Divine was missing, probably dead, and the only person who knew anything about the massacre at the temple was the lone surviving elf. 

For all anyone knew, she could have opened the breach herself. 

He took a moment to himself, later that evening, as he entered his tent and tugged off his boots. All day long, his thoughts circulated back to the elven girl and he could not shake that feeling. He collapsed on his cot scrubbing his face with the calloused planes of his palms and fingertips. Behind his eyelids, he could see her face clear as a bell and gooseflesh rose to his skin. Had he not known that she was their prisoner of war, he would have stumbled over each and every word trying to speak to her. 

She was gorgeous, down to the last detail. Her long, frosted blonde hair tumbled down her back and across her shoulders, beachy waves curled her hair that seemed to float like water around her. Her pronounced cheekbones rode high on her face, adding a natural contour to the hollows of her cheeks and the curve of her jaw which met the tender, unscathed skin of her long and shapely neck. Her lips were supple a pink, perfectly rounded, although her upper lip was a bit more full than her bottom lip. The only thing that distracted him more than the tight, slender shape of her lithe body was her eyes. 

Her eyes were shrouded in long, and thick sultry black lashes. And as he met her stare, he realized what a young and innocent thing she was. Her eyes, albeit a sharp a piercing color, were large and wide with wonder and untainted innocence. But her eyes, they were a colder, and icier shade of blue than even the formidable Frostback Mountains. Her gaze seemed to penetrate right through his armor and even now, he could feel it still on his skin, lingering and taunting him. 

Oh, how the tables have turned. The girl that people spat at with malice was now spoken of so highly, and people held her in such a high regard...so high that she was bestowed the title of Herald of Andraste. She was their beloved hero, the savior of Haven, and now...Cullen only hoped he could get in her could graces after his humiliating display on the mountain path. Cullen closed his eyes once more and prayed to the Maker that the elven girl would be all right.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 ...Lulled awake by the sounds of battle cries, boisterous laughter, and the clashing of shields and swords, Estel finally broke the veil of unconsciousness, her eyes weighing down heavily. Her head ached as she tried to navigate her way through the thick fog of lingering sleep. Her arms felt like she was trying to move them through thick mud as she weakly rubbed her eyes. She forced herself into an upright position, her frigid eyes taking in every last detail of the unfamiliar, warm room she was in.... Estel didn't even notice that the door to the cottage she was currently in had creaked open until she heard a shocked, feminine gasp. 

Immediately her eyelids snapped open as she pinpointed a brunette elven girl who was bowing her head both fearfully and respectfully. 

"I-I didn't know you were awake, I swear!" The elf simpered and Estel kicked her feet off the bed, quirking a brow at the nervous girl. 

"Why do you seem frightened? What happened?" Estel demanded, her voice coarse as her throat was dry from lack of water. 

"Th-That's wrong i-isn't it, I-I said the wrong thing,"

"I don't...think so?" Estel spoke it as more of a question. The elf closed her eyes and Estel tensed as she thought she was about to faint...her cheeks tinged with a warm blush as she realized the girl how dropped to her knees in front of her, bowing and Estel cringed backward, her eyes widening. 

"I beg your forgiveness and your blessing, I am but a humble servant," The elf spoke meekly as Estel clambered to her feet, her heart pounding rapidly as she tried to hiss for the girl to stop bowing like she was the Queen of Ferelden. "You are back in Haven, milady. They say you saved us. The breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand," Estel paused her frantic waving to gaze at her left hand that glimmered with the green fade energy. "It's all anybody has been able to talk about for last three days!"

 _They're...pleased?_ "So, you're saying they're happy with me?" Estel clarified, doubting it as she recalled their malicious faces etched in her memory as they scorned her with hateful glares and cruel whispers. 

"I-I'm only saying what I've heard. I didn't mean anything by it," The elf stuttered as she, at last, rose to her feet, bringing a great deal of relief to Estel who felt much more comfortable talking to her face than her scalp of hair. "I certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you've awakened, she said  _at once_ ,"

"And where is she?" Estel asked as she gazed around the room, eyes settling on two buckets of water in the corner. 

"In the chantry with Lord Chancellor, at once she said!" And with that, the skittish elf fled out of the cottage, leaving Estel to her own devices.  _Three days?_ She thought to herself incredulously.  _That rift must have taken more energy out of me than I thought...Especially after opening and reclosing a rift of that size...and those horrid demons..._ Estel decided it would be best to clean her face and somehow untangle her mop of hair before leaving the cabin. After scrounging up a comb and running it through her knotted hair and splashed a handful of water of water on her face. 

 _Someone must have bathed me..._ Estel noted the lack of grime and blood on her, and the new olive-colored uniform with golden buttons and trimming that clung to her small, thin body. On a chair nearby, she found her armor lying in patient wait, polished and cleaned for her. After redressing, she headed for the door, her frosty hair floating behind her as her long, slender fingers wrapped around the door handle and she opened it...

The air was nippy and frigid, Estel shivered in her own skin. Her icy blue eyes tilted up and widened ever so slightly at the rows of people crowding each side of the dirt and snow path, craning their necks to get a better view of the elven girl. Holding the people back from rushing her were guards, perhaps even soldiers, that clutched their fists over their hearts in a respectful salute to her. Slowly, Estel made her way through the town, blessings and grateful tears being spread all around her as people worshipped the very ground her boots touched. Yet a common title danced across the mouths of the townsfolk... _Herald of Andraste..._

 _Mana. Ma Halani..._ Estel thought exasperatedly as she ascended the stairs and made her way up the carved out path toward a mighty building standing at the head of the town. 

At last, Estel arrived at the Chantry building, the doors opening for her as she walked in, thankful for the new warmth of the building. As she neared the door in the back of the Chantry, she could hear heated voices arguing. It was Cassandra and Rodrick, no surprise that the topic was about  _her_. Estel pushed open the door and entered the new room, a war table sitting idly in the center. Leliana, Cassandra, and Rodrick stood around it, and as the Chancellor lay his cold eyes upon Estel he glowered. 

"Chain her, I want her prepared for travel to the capitol for trial," He ordered the guards whilst Cassandra sneered at him. 

"Disregard that, and leave us," Cassandra overruled him. The soldiers saluted her and left the room while Chancellor grimaced. 

"You walk a dangerous line, seeker," He spoke in a warning tone, facing Cassandra. 

"The breach is stable, but it is still a threat," Cassandra approached him, her dark glare matching his own. "I will not ignore it," 

 _I thought I did everything I could...why am I still suspected of unleashing all of this chaos after everything I went through to help stop it?_ Estel wondered before speaking, "So I'ms till a suspect? Even after what we just did?"

"You absolutely are," Roderick growled at her while Estel gave him an indignant look. 

"No, she is not," Cassandra, surprisingly, defended the elf. 

"Someone was behind the explosion at the conclave," Leliana interjected. "Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others, or have allies who yet live," 

" _I_ am a suspect?!" Chancellor Roderick gasped incredulously, stepping back from the three women's heated, accusatory stares. 

"You. And many others,"

"But not the prisoner," Roderick glared at Estel who crinkled her nose at him in distaste. 

"I heard the voices in the temple," Cassandra argued. "The Divine called to her for help," 

"So her survival, that thing on her hand, all a  _coincidence_ ," He folded his arms across his chest and the elven girl rolled her eyes. 

"Providence, the maker sent her to us in our darkest hour," Cassandra corrected him, sending a small smile to the elf who blinked owlishly at the compliment.  

"The breach is stable now, what more do you want from me?" Estel finally spoke, shifting awkwardly in her place. 

"We must try again," Cassandra answered turning her back to fumble through a bookcase.

"The breach remains, and your mark is still our only hope of closing it," Leliana nodded in agreement. 

"This is not for you to decide!" Roderick snapped through clenched teeth. 

 **Bam!** Cassandra slammed a hefty book on the table before them, the cover illustrated with a strange eye. "You know what this is Chancellor," Cassandra prodded the book with a gloved finger. "A writ from the divine, granting us the authority to act...As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn,"  _Inquisition?_ It sent a chill running down Estel's spin. "We will close the breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order with or without your approval," With each word, Cassandra took a step toward Roderick and he responded with a few retreating steps of his own to gain distance from the warrior. 

Without another word, Chancellor Roderick turned curtly on his heel and left. Estel was still lingering upon the display that occurred, and muddling her mind with the word  _Inquisition..._ when she finally paid attention to what Leliana was saying. 

"-we aren't ready...we have no leader, no numbers, and now? No Chantry support," 

"But now, we have no choice," Cassandra spoke tirelessly. "We must act now, with  _you_ at our side," Cassandra gazed now at the elven girl who flinched to life once more. Estel wondered aloud what the Inquisition technically was and Lelianna quickly defined it. People of the Chantry who banded together to restore peace and order in a world gone mad. After peace was acquired, the Inquisition turned into the Templar Order which has since lost its way. Estel tried to wrap her head around this new information as best she could, and the two only assured her that the pieces would fall where they may in due time. At last, when she had no more questions to ask, it was time to present them with an answer.

"When I woke up, I certainly didn't picture this outcome..." Estel sighed, rubbing her temples exasperatedly. 

"Neither did we," Leliana agreed with her. 

"Help us fix this...before it's too late," Cassandra plead, offering her her hand. There it was, a new agreement. A contract ready to be made. Here, Estel could do something, make a difference like she had already started to....or she could refuse and return home to be the lapdog to the Lavellan's Keeper... It was the Keeper's nosey medelling that got her into this situation, to begin with and Estel mentally grimaced, not wanting to return home to have to deal with that level of shit just yet. Not when there was a higher calling needing her. 

Estel cracked a smile at Cassandra and clasped her hand in the warrior's firmly, nodding as she gave a nod of her head. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was the very next evening that the Estel and Cassandra were conversing idly through the warm Chantry building on the way to their first war table meeting. Cassandra had inquired about the mark to which Estel positively informed her that it no longer hurt and has not spread since she sealed the rift. The girl worriedly asked if Solas' place might make matters worse to which Cassandra chuckled bitterly, teasing the girl. The door swung open to the war table where three people stood patiently. 

Estel clenched her fists as her heart gave a strange, 'thump-thump' when her eyes landed on the handsome face of the man Cassandra called Commander. Indeed, remorse dwindled in his honey and whiskey eyes as he took in the young girl. "You've met Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces," Cassandra reminded her to which Estel nodded softly. Cullen offered her a soft smile but it faltered everso slightly when her eyes quickly darted away. 

"It was only for a moment on the field...I'm pleased you survived," He told Estel who's icy blue eyes flickered back to his face. A crooked grin threatened the right half of her lips before looking to Cassandra for further prompt. 

"This is Lady Jospehine Montiliyet, our Ambassador and Chief Diplomat," Cassandra introduce the olive-skinned woman with charcoal black hair. 

"Andaran atish’an," Jospehine bowed her head slightly and Estel's eyes widened. 

"Y-You speak Elven?" Estel blinked incredulously. 

"You just heard the entirety of it, I'm afraid," She chuckled, swaying her pen slightly between her fingertips.  _Good, I was worried I would have to completely watch my mouth for a second...._

"And of course you know Sister Leliana," Cassandra continued. 

"My position here involves a degree of-," Leliana began when Cassandra cut her off impatiently. 

"She is our spymaster,"

"Yes, tactfully put, Cassandra," Leliana rolled her eyes. Estel glanced back around the faces in the room, pausing back on Cullen's as she offered a glittering white smile. Cullen had to steel himself as he bare witness to her gorgeous, beaming smile that seemed to light up even the dustiest corners of the room. 

"Pleased to meet you all," Estel bowed her head respectfully. "I am called Estel Lavellan, from clan Lavellan. It is an honor to be in the company of such great titles,"

"I mentioned that your mark needs more power to close the breach for good," Cassandra told Estel. 

"Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help," Leliana piped and Estel felt as though the peace of the new meeting was going to be short-lived as Cullen impatiently glanced at the spymaster. 

"And I still disagree," His face wrinkled in disgust. "The Templars could serve just as well," 

Cassandra sighed, "We need power, Commander, enough magic poured into that mark," 

"Might destroy us all! Templars could suppress the breach. Weaken it, so-," Cullen argued, unable to finish as Leliana cut in. 

"Pure speculation," 

"I was a Templar. I know what they're capable of," Cullen glared at the spymaster. This news did not shock Estel too terribly after how she met Cullen. He carried himself like a trained warrior. A Templar wasn't beyond doubtful. 

"Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet," Jospehine piped. "The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition, and you specifically," Josephine nodded to Estel. 

"They  _still_ think I'm guilty?" Estel groaned. 

"That is not the entirety of it any longer. Some are calling you, a Dalish elf, the Herald of Andraste...That frightens the Chantry. The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we, heretics for harboring you," 

"Herald of Andraste?" Estel repeated dubiously after Cassandra cursed Roderick to the fade and back. "Just how am I the Herald of Andraste?"

"People saw what you did at the temple. How you stopped the breach from growing. They have also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you. They beleive that was Andraste," Cassandra explained while Estel sighed heavily. 

"-The point is, everyone is talking about you," Leliana remarked and Cullen chuckled.

"It's quite the title, isn't it? How do you feel about that?" He asked her. There it was again, that horrific flip-flop of her heart, or was it her stomach? Maker's breath, what was wrong with her? 

"It's a little unsettling," Estel responded. Cullen smirked and laughed again, the scar on his mouth lifting at his impish facial expression. 

"I'm sure the Chantry would agree,"  _Be still my beating heart!_ Things had settled down at last after it was decided that Estel would scout the Hinterlands for Mother Giselle and build up the Inquisitions influence while she is there.

The meeting was dismissed and slowly the advisors left the room. Estel leaned over the war table, eyeing the small statuette piece marking the Hinterlands in Ferelden. She drew in a deep breath and sighed, her shoulders dropping impressively as she shut her eyes. This was not what she expected to be doing after so many years with the Lavellans....."Are you concerned about your trip to the Hinterlands?" Estel jumped at the husky voice of the Commander who lingered by the door. 

"C-Commander," Estel stuttered, straightening herself. "I'm fine. Just, tired," 

"With every sensible right to be," He nodded in agreement. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Would you like to be the Herald of Andraste?" Estel sarcastically quipped, her frigid eyes latching onto him. "I don't remember a bloody thing that happened at the Conclave. But after seeing the Temple of Ashes, or what remained of it, and the...bodies...I don't understand how I survived that, nor deserved to," Her head bowed in remorse.

Cullen furrowed his eyebrows and swallowed, clearing his throat. "It seems I never got to formally apologize for my actions on the mountain path," At his words, Estel's cold gaze was on him once more. "I had to be cautious, you see, so much was at stake. We were all investing our faith in a prisoner and nothing about the notion seemed reasonable. I doubted you and your ability to close the breach and I sincerely beg your forgiveness, Lady Lavellan," He ducked his head as a sign of respect. 

The elf was dangerously quiet, her heart was thundering madly in the cage of her ribs as she stared at the Commander. Cullen feared she would through the apology back in his face, as silent as she'd grown when he heard the titter of her own throat and he glanced up to see her piercing, yet sweet and innocent, blue eyes darting off to the side awkwardly, a frostbitten blush clinging to her cheeks as she coughed out, "Estel," 

"Pardon?" He stood upright and she glanced back at him again. 

"My name is Estel, Commander, there's no need for such formality with me," She offered him a gentle smile. "As for your actions on the mountain path, think nothing of it. I understand had I stood in your boots, and you mine,"

"Thank you, Estel," Cullen breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that his nagging conscience would let up now. But it didn't. No, as he stared at the sweet elven girl, her soft, delectable lips and beautifully carved face he felt the nagging growing stronger, his palms growing slick in his gloves while something strong began to bat at his stomach...

"Now, if only I can figure out what these alliances will entitle for the Inquisition. I'm still new at this whole, 'having-the-last-say-so'," Estel turned back to the war table with a giggle and glanced over her shoulder at the Commander. "It might help my fellow advisors would stop going at each other's throats like wild dogs," Her face was lit with amusement and Cullen cursed himself at the newfound feelings of attraction he was beginning to formulate for her. 

But her words on their current political matters spurred him. Cullen took one look at the young elven  _mage_ and knew immediately where her loyalties lay. She would not,  _could not_ concern herself with the likes of the Templars. She would stick with was most familiar to her, and that was magic. 

And so he nodded, bidding the girl farewell as he retreated to his tent for the evening. That night, Estel read over the reports regarding rebel mages and templars and racked her brain for knowledge and dove into history books. If Estel as going to make a decision of whom to form an alliance with, she would be thorough, leaving no stone unturned. Indeed, she would not be biased simply because she was a mage. Estel was young, but that did not make her foolish.  

 

 

***Mana. Ma Halani- Elven for 'Help me' or 'Maker, Help me'**

***Andaran Atish-an: elven; a formal greeting.**


	4. The Warmth in My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a month of picking through the Hinterlands, offering help where it was needed and gaining power and influence for the Inquistion. Estel and her party are now ready to return to Haven for some much-needed rest and recuperation.
> 
> {Very mild NSFW. Practically non-existent. i.e.: light, body caresses}
> 
> Chapter Song: Creep - Vintage Postmodern Jukebox (Hailey Reinhart)

**The Cross Roads**

**The Hinterlands**

**Ferelden**

_Inquisition_ camps were established. 

Rifts were sealed. 

The refugees were taken care of.

Estel even acquired a horse master for the Inquisition, going above and beyond her call of duty as guard towers were erected to scout for bandits that sought out innocent travelers and farmers. Indeed, the Herald of Andraste was working wonders in the Hinterlands. A man, a former Gray Warden by the name of Blackwall, offered his direct assistance to the Herald of Andraste, and now waited for her beckon call in Haven. Of course, he wasn't the only newcomer in Haven, Mother Giselle had been found safely and patiently waited for the Herald's return.

It would take only two days travel to return to Haven, and the group had decided to rest a cozy Inn at the Crossroads. 

"I expect to be out of here at the first light of dawn," Estel spoke as she was handed a room key by the desk clerk. Varric chuckled smugly and waved her off. 

"Relax, Snowflake, I'll be around. Don't lose your head," 

"I wish you'd stop calling me that wretched nickname, Tethras," Estel grumbled as Solas disappeared entirely and Cassandra took her own room key and nodding off. 

"What? Everything about you just screams 'frigid bitch'," Varric shrugged his shoulders and glanced back, wiggling his eyebrows. "Believe me, it works on you," 

"Unless you are interested in what it would feel like to have my staff planted firmly up your-,"

"First thing in the morning, Estel, I got it," Varric disappeared toward the bar. Estel made her way upstairs, a soft smile hanging on her lips. If there was one companion, in particular, she had grown close to, it was that smart ass dwarf. Varric just seemed to understand her every weary thought and helpless wonder and she consulted him as much as Cassandra. It was nice to find solace in a friend like Varric. She swung open her room door and began discarding her new armor, a breathy Ataam Shaar armor. Tomorrow, she would clad herself in something thick, probably her Avvar armor to trap some warmth against her pale skin. 

Her bare body hit the sheets of the bed and she slowly began to doze...her mind drifting off to the day before she left Haven....

... _"You there, there's a shield in your hand, block with it!_ _" Cullen's voice barked out impatiently over the sound of swords and shields clanking against one another. "If this man were your enemy you'd be dead!" They were standing out in front of the gates of Haven, the pitched tents standing in neat rows while the soldiers battled and sparred around them. Estel was standing on the steps in front of the gates, her ears picking up every minute detail as the Commander spoke to the Lieutenant._

_"Lieutenant, don't hold back," Cullen faced the ginger-haired man in heavy armor. "The recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one,"_

_"Yes, Commander," The Lieutenant saluted and steered off to begin training the troops. Estel hopped off the last step and hesitantly approached him, her heart beginning to thud nervously in her ribcage as she clenched her sweaty palms nervously. She had been speaking to her advisors and companions about the social and political issues the Inquisition now faced and decided that she should not leave the handsome commander out, although she feared these new feelings that had sprouted...._

_Regretfully, they grew worse._

_Commander Cullen noticed Estel approaching and felt his eyes widen ever so slightly swallowing anxiously as he tried to right himself, holding his broad shoulders taller. "We've received a number of recruits. Locals from Haven and some pilgrims," Cullen spoke to her without a greeting before casting her a coy smile. "None made_ _quite the entrance you did,"_  

How did that curse go? Ah...Mana, Fenedhis lasa _....Estel thought internally. It was her appointed goal to try and relearn the language of the elves. Much easier said than done. Cullen's compliment seemed to seize Estel by the short hairs as if he were whispering something lewd in her ear._

_"I-I just hope I can help," Estel forced a smile, hoping he didn't catch her stutter._

_"As do we all, It's enough that you would try," Cullen agreed before nodding for Estel to follow him as he walked and talked. "I was recruited into the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising, I saw first hand the devastation it caused,"_

_"Sir," A soldier interjected, pausing between the two to hand Cullen a clipboard. Estel glanced around nervously. The Commander already seemed to be a_ very  _busy man. Cullen took the clipboard and continued to walk as he signed._

_"Cassandra sought a solution when she offered me a position, I left the Templars to join her cause,"  He continued as the scout dismissed himself and Estel allowed her eyes to rake up and down Cullen's tall, firmly built body. He was muscled, no doubt his time as a Templar sculpted him. And his fur mantle cloak only made him look that much larger. Estel shivered, and it wasn't because of the nipping cold of the Frostbacks. The man was, without a doubt, the most attractive man she had seen in her travels. "-Now, it seems we face something far worse,"_

_Estel marveled him for a moment. He held years over her, no doubt, as Estel was freshly twenty, going on sixteen. Despite her age, she appeared to look like that of a teenager._

_"You left the Templars for this," Estel commented as they finally stopped for Cullen to read the report. "You believe the Inquisition can work?"_

_"I do, the Chantry lost control of both Templars and Mages," He passed the clipboard off to the still lingering scout. "Now they argue over a new Divine while the breach remains. The Inquisition can act, while the Chantry cannot. Our followers will be part of that, there's so much we can-," He cut himself off, shaking his head. "Forgive me, I doubt you came here for a lecture,"_

_But Estel didn't mind. She inwardly adored seeing how passionate he was about his work and his role in the Inquisition. His warm honey and whiskey brown eyes lit with a fire Estel did not see often in the eyes of those staring into possible and total world annihilation._

_"No, but if you have one prepared I'd love to hear it," Estel beamed at Cullen who's face was threatened with a crooked smile that seemed to warm Estel's body. He chuckled, low and deep causing a fantasizing swoon to sweep through Estel's chest._

_"Another time, perhaps," He spoke as he met Estel's stare, those piercing blue eyes full of gentle innocence, and that pearly white smile..."I, uh," He cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to steer the conversation back on track...what were they talking about? Oh, the Inquisition... "There's still a lot of work ahead,"_

_"Commander, Sir Rylen has the report on our supply lines," The scout was back and Estel couldn't fight back the crestfallen feeling as their conversation was interrupted. But there was that sarcastic, impish grin that twisted at the scar on his mouth..._

_"As I was saying," He rolled his eyes, following the scout._

_Estel didn't like that their conversation had ended on such a hinge. Although she feared these feelings, and they made her simply mortified to approach the Commander, once the ice was broken conversation came as easily as a rushing river. She promised that she would make her most valiant effort to learn more about the Commander when she returned from the Hinterlands. Perhaps understand him more would help her understand what, exactly these feelings were....._

Estel awoke from her reverie breathless. Her body was twisted in the sheets of the rented bed and there seemed to be a fire burning in the pit between her long, shapely legs that clenched at each other to try and snuff out the heat. But where the rubbing action brought relief, it also stoked the fire. Estel groaned flopping back on her mattress, noticing her breasts had escaped the band around her chest. The swells of her chest were sensitive, her rosy peaks were tight and erect, and Estel only knew them to react in such a way when she cold. But the room was warm...So, Estel lay two fleeting hands upon her bosom, sighing as the sensitive flesh met with her palms. 

She had never felt so...intense? 

The soft caresses she instinctually gave her soft mounds did not help the fire in between her legs. At a loss to what to do for herself, she released her tight grasp upon her breasts and quickly redressed.  _No, what is this? Why do I feel so pleased to touch myself so intimately? I have never felt such desire before to feel myself..._ Estel thought frantically.  _I don't want to touch myself like that. But it helps...It feels as if...someone else should be..._ If her face could grow any more scarlet then Estel would be bleeding from her pores. 

Estel never took an oath against sexual endeavors or swore against pleasures of the body. But, as the future Keeper of the Lavellans one day, Estel was constantly kept on a trimmed schedule for learning magic, tomes, and etiquette. To deter such distractions, Estel was removed from the company of males informally. She always stayed in the constant company of the Keeper, up until the day she was sent from her side to spy on the Conclave. The Keeper was not daft, she knew as Estel grew up she began to blossom into a gorgeous woman, and throughout the Lavellans, her beauty was insurmountable. She was a priceless antique, a  _look but don't touch_ item. 

And Estel began to slowly realize...there was no Keeper around...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Haven**

**The Frostback Mountains**

**Ferelden**

"Thank the Maker," Varric groaned as they entered the gates of Haven. 

The trip had been full of small talk and the occasional joke between Varric and Estel. They had traveled tirelessly, even well into the night, until the moon or Estel's occasionally flickering mark was their only source of light. Cassandra had to be the one to calm Estel from journeying forward in the evening, which caused an embarrassed blush to flood the elven girl's cheeks. She wondered why she was so antsy to get back to Haven, and her question was answered as a mental image of Cullen construed itself. 

But, at last, they had returned. Cassandra departed toward the Chantry to meet with Leliana, Solas to his quarters for light reading, and Varric to rub elbows with the elf before he left for the tavern. Estel eagerly looked around the courtyard, her heart thudding strangely and her cheeks biting with a blush as her eyes searched for the Commander. At last, they fell upon his familiar, large form adorned in his fur mantle cloak, barking out orders to troops. 

Estel licked her lips eagerly, the sight of him bringing her a sense of relief after having been so long away from his company. Estel excitedly bound down the stairs and toward the congregation of sparring soldiers and scouts. The Commander paused mid shout when he caught a small, lithe movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned entirely to face the elven girl and smiled with surprise. 

"Y-You're back," He stated dubiously while Estel tried to hear him over the sound of blood rushing in her ears. "I've heard word through the grapevine. You've been a huge help in the HInterlands,"

"I'm just glad to be back," Estel shrugged her shoulders, the action catching his eyes as he noticed her new armor. It had sleeves and was a deep earthy green color, completed with a billowing, long vest. He was slightly relieved to see that there was a degree of leather-based armor protecting her fragile, small body. 

"I'm glad you're back," Cullen nodded to her before his eyes widened. "I-I mean we're glad you're back. The Inquisition...was there something you needed?" He frantically stuttered. 

"Actually," Estel pondered for a moment. "I was hoping to learn a little more about you,"

Cullen's face, neck, and ears felt as if he were breaking out into a sweat. "What exactly did you want to know?"

"Since we're facing a possible alliance, I'd like to know more about the Templars," 

"If you need insight as to what the order is doing now, I'm afraid I can't offer more than you already know," Cullen cleared his throat. 

"Considering my knowledge of the Templars would inadequetly fill a teaspoon..." She trailed off awkwardly and heard Cullen chuckle. 

"Then I will answer with what I know to the best of my ability," He smiled at her. "Ask away,"

Estel badgered him with questions Cullen had no problem answering, only stopping when Cullen had to bark out orders at unruly recruits. Cullen's Templar trianing was organized and proficient, not just physically but academically. Cullen was devoted and committed to becoming the very best in his studies and training, but half-heartedly joked about distractions and he had always wanted to be a Templar, a childhood dream of his. Estel could not mask her shock when he mentioned he was only thirteen when he began his Templar training....and that there were those younger than him, sworn from infancy to be Templars. He still missed his family, of course, but he learned to depend upon his fellow members of the order for support. 

Cullen cringed when Estel brought up mage hunting. She had been warned by her Keeper to watch out for Templars. He tried to dilute her suspicions telling her the purpose of the Templars was to protect against evil magic. He admitted to treating mages, in the past, with distrust and claimed it was unworthy. He caught Estel's piercing blue gaze and swore he would try not to do so here in Haven. Estel felt warmth batting away at her insides. Cullen told her of his time at the Circle before it fell apart, explaining the Harrowings to her and that that remained the full extent of his contact with mages. 

"Do Templars take vows?" Estel asked curiously after Cullen shouted at a soldier for leaving his body open to attack. "'I-swear-to-the-Maker-to-watch-all-the-mages,' That sort of thing," Cullen chuckled at her choice of words. 

"There's a vigil, first, you're meant to be at peace during that time but your life is about to change. When it's over, you give yourself to a life of service. That's when you're given your first draft of lyrium. As Templars, we are not to seek wealth or acknowledgment. Our lives belong to the Maker, and the path we have chosen," Cullen spoke, almost poetically. Estel had heard rumors about Templars pledging their bodies to the Order as well. It was an old wives tale, maybe, but her curiosity peaked. 

"A life of order and sacrifice," Estel nodded, the words slipping from her mouth. "Are Templars also expected to vows against...er, physical...temptations?"

"Physical?" Cullen repeated her choice of word confusedly before his eyes blossomed with surprise and he cleared his throat. "Why, ahem, why would you...That's not expected. Templars can marry, although there are rules in that the order must grant permission...Some may choose to give up _more_ to prove their devotion but it's not required," 

The words were past her lips before Estel had a chance to think to stop them. 

"Have you?" 

Estel watched as Commander Cullen's cheeks blossomed a light shade of pink as he flusteredly answered, "Me? Erm, er...no, I've taken no such vows, Maker's breath, can we speak of something else?"

Cullen, as bashful as he acted, noted the way Estel's eyes glittered with horror, her face and ears filling with a vividly red blush as she sputtered and nodded, trying to make sense of how to move past it this awkward turn of conversation. 

"Th-That's all I-I wanted t-to know! Thank you!" She backpedaled quickly, running blindly into a soldier he snapped at her impatiently. Estel quickly spun on her heel and speedily walked away, the Commander rubbing his neck as he watched her go. 

 _Watch yourself, Cullen..._ The Commander thought to himself cautiously.  _She's young...barely an adult. You have no place to try and corrupt her..._  

Oh, but the Commander did. He watched as her slender form disappeared behind the gates, his molten gold eyes lingering upon her figure longer than necessary and his mind wandered into threatening waters...What might she feel like under his hands? Her lips, soft and plush against his own... Her perfectly curved body writhing beneath him, screaming out in the throes of pleasure and ecstasy-

"Commander, report, ser," 

Cullen quickly snagged the clipboard from the scout, rushing away from the battlegrounds to conceal the growing bulge in his breeches he had painfully given himself. 

 

***Mana: Magic or Maker**

***Fenedhis Lasa- depending on use, it means 'fucking wolf dicks' or 'go fuck' or 'suck a wolf's dick'. In this case, Estel was likely using the first. But, as a budding elvhen language student, it would come as no surprise if she still mispronounced or messed up the meaning.**


	5. The Bath House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Estel is now acting childishly in her antics to avoid the handsome Commander after she so elegantly placed her foot in her mouth the day she returned to Haven. Maybe, a proper bath would help ease her mind...
> 
> Chapter Song: Pray - Sam Smith

**Haven**

**The Hinterlands**

**Ferelden**

_"She is acting like a child!"_ Roderick objected firmly, crossing his arms across his chest. 

"She is only just an adult now, chancellor, you have to understand," Josephine defended as Commander Cullen walked into the war room perking an arched brow at the conversation. Leliana had a perturbed look settle don her face as she tried to read reports on the table while Cassandra was pacing back and forth. Josephine and Chancellor Roderick were currently in a heated staredown. 

"What have I missed," Cullen asked slowly, easing into the room. 

"Only that your highly regarded  _Herald of Andraste_ is neglecting her duties as the face of the Inquisition!" Roderick sneered with a roll of his eyes. Cullen merely blinked. 

"Beg your pardon?"

"Commander, Lady Lavellan has not summoned a council meeting since she has returned from the Hinterlands," Josephine explained. "We have received an influx of requests from various individuals and groups who seek to offer power to our cause. We cannot investigate without her input,"

"She has been back for three days now, and now mercenaries and farmers are knocking on my Chamber door seeking the  _Herald_ ," Roderick snubbed his nose at the situation with distaste. 

"I see," Commander Cullen spoke. His brevity only irked Roderick further. 

"Perhaps you can speak with Estel," Cassandra suggested impatiently. "She runs when she sees me approach," 

"Why not ask the dwarf, Varric?" Cullen suggested and the seeker rolled her eyes. 

"Do you think me daft? I have already tried. He merely laughs and eggs her on," Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest. "I have seen the two of you speak several times before. It is worth a try," 

 _She couldn't be avoiding her duties because of what happened the other day...could she?_ Cullen thought to himself guiltily.  _I haven't spoken to her since..._

"Regardless!" Leliana snapped, raising her head to glower at everyone. "Estel needs to summon a meeting, Cullen, go talk to her and get her to do so. Now, will you all  _please_ quit causing such a ruckus. Some of us are actually still working!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ya' know, snowflake, I heard the War Council is in a tizzy right now 'cause of you," Varric told the female elf that afternoon when she returned from a small, menial task for a few local farmers. They were settled in at the tavern, sharing a drink Varric had so charitably bought. "Is there any reason, in particular, you're playing hooky?"

"You know," Estel commented as a tankard of mead was set before her. "When I lived with the Lavellans, I was never allowed to drink. I believe this will be my first taste of alcohol...in my life," 

"What?" Varric exclaimed, his eyes widened. "You're joking! Surely, you- no, don't distract me from the question,"

Estel's bottom lip pouted ever so slightly as she sloshed the mead around the tankard. "'s nothing, Varric,"

"Surely it is. Now come on, tell your good pal Varric what's wrong. Trouble in Paradise? Lovesick?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he sipped from his tankard and nearly spewed it out when he noticed the awkward, almost pained look on Estel's blushing face as she refused to answer. Varric beat his chest violently as he choked and coughed before, at last, he was calm and staring up at her with much intrigue. "Don't get me worked up like that and not tell me anything, snowflake, now who is it?"

"It's nobody," Estel quietly dejected. 

"Let me guess,"

"Varric," Estel groaned. 

"No, come on, throw me a bone, is he bald?"

"Varric it's definitely not Solas," She sighed. 

"Blackwall,"

"Seriously,"

"No, not Blackwall, he hasn't been around long enough-," And then he fell short, a devious, glittering smile on his face. "Well, well, well. Paint me black and call me darkspawn, you've got a crush on the  _Commander,_ snowflake," 

Silence. Varric let out a round of rich laughter as Estel cowered her head against the bartop, her hands shielding her from the humiliation. When Estel figured he got it all out of his system she sent him a dirty glare. 

"Well, I've got to admit, snowflake, you've got a good taste for good looking, powerful men," Varric nodded as she sat upright. 

"I made a fool of myself,"

"I doubt that,"

"I asked about his vows as a Templar," 

"So?" Varric snorted. 

"Well, I asked him if he took any vows for celibacy," She burned at her cheeks and grimaced when Varric began to snicker again. 

"Please, do share his answer,"

"He got pretty flustered but said no that hadn't taken vows of that sort," She recalled. Varric chuckled again. 

"Sounds like curly is the shy type," He mused. "Rotten luck that you both ended up with that trait," Estel picked up her tankard and downed a gulp of the warm mead, Varric watching her curiously. "So, whaddya' think?"

Estel crinkled her nose in disgust. "It tastes like horse piss," She announced before downing another sip, Varric barking with laughter. The night, regretfully ended when one of Varric's derisive laughter resulted in Estel wearing what was left in his tankard. Finishing up the last bit of her mead, she patted the apologetic dwarf on his shoulder as she retreated to her cabin to gather a change of clothes.  _Gross, I smell like a brothel..._ Estel gagged. Glancing at the water basin in the corner she knew that there was not enough left in it for a quick sponge bath.  _They did mention a bathhouse on the edge of town..._ She tucked her clothes under her arm and made her way through Haven. 

Cullen watched Estel enter the bathhouse as he exited the Chantry and sucked in a deep breath, deciding to set up post to wait for her. Outside the bathhouse, he could hear her small splashes and humming as she cleaned and he tried not to dwell on her sure nakedness on the other side of the wall. He leaned against the frosty wall patiently, shutting his eyes as he relaxed...until he heard her sweet voice singing a lovely tune he recognized from a bard in the local tavern....

 _Enchanters remind_  
_That time will not unwind._  
_The dragon's crooked spine,_  
_Will never straighten into line._

 _What we plea will be_  
_A faithful end decree,_  
_Where a man will not retreat_  
_From the defeat of his fathers._

 _Enchanters_  
_A time has come for battle lines._  
_We will cut these knotted ties,_  
_And some may live and some may die._

She was no bard, but her voice was soft, even and pure. Cullen found himself enthralled with the young elven mage, his eyes easing shut as she sang the soothing lullaby....He brutally awoke a few short minutes later when the door to the bath house burst open, slamming against Cullen's head. He yowled in surprise and fleeting pain, a short feminine scream escaping Estel as she rebounded back from the unexpected noise. 

"Maker's breath!" He cursed, holding his brow. 

"C-Commander," Estel stuttered. "W-What are you doing?"

"I meant to corner you about your duties as the Herald you have been so tactfully avoiding," He spoke through his teeth as he rubbed the pain away, giving her a clear once over. Suddenly, the pain in his head was no longer there as he noticed Estel was standing in a thin, white chemise. Her frosty blonde hair was stringy and wet, splattered across her shoulders and her pert chest was flattered by the wind, even more, the sharp point of her nipples peaked out suggestively against the fabric...he tore his eyes away from her quickly, thankfully she had on simply, leather pants. 

"Oh," Was all Estel spoke, clutching her arms across her chest. "I...feel as though I rather made a fool of myself the other day, inquiring about your vows. I was much too nosey," 

_So it was about their conversation..._

"Estel," Cullen cleared his throat. "You needn't worry about that. It's quite all right. Truly. I was a little caught off guard by the question is all. I...rather enjoyed the inquisitiveness," He rubbed his neck awkwardly as he felt her gaze boring into his skin. 

"Really?" Came her soft, meek reply and he smiled. 

"Indeed. It's flattering to be on the receiving end of a pretty young lady's attention," And he wouldn't try to fish that compliment back, it had been clear as a bell and there was no way to try and cover it up. He watched as her pale face filled with a color a shade darker than pink and it expanded into her long, pointed ears. 

"O-Oh," She squeaked.  _I had no clue he was so charming..._  

"And it made me realize, while you were asking so much about me, I had not learned a single thing about you..." He said and furrowed his eyebrows as he noticed her body quivering. "Oh, my apologies, Estel, I'm holding you from returning to your quarters. Your hair is still damp from your bath, I wouldn't want you to get a cold," 

"N-No, please walk with me back," Estel grabbed his gauntlet as he turned to take his leave. "Please, we can walk and talk," 

Cullen found himself wishing that his armored gloves had been left in his tent so he might relish the feel of Estel's soft, firm grip on his arm. He almost argued until he saw how pleading her intrinsic blue eyes were as she stared at him and suddenly, telling her no wasn't anywhere in his vocabulary. "Where is your coat?" He settled for asking and she scrunched her nose. 

"A small accident occurred earlier this evening, and my coat is soiled," She murmured and Cullen began to shrug off his cloak, not cringing in the least as the frosty air nipped at his warm skin where his chain mail and cuirass met. 

"Here," He settled the heavy cloak around her shoulders, a bemused smile crossing his face as the large fur mantle practically swallowed her whole. "We cannot have the beloved Herald of Andraste catching ill by my fault," 

Estel stared at him with wide-eyed wonder that made Cullen writhe in his skin uncomfortably. The way she looked at him was like he could never do any wrong. But he had, and he didn't deserve her praising looks.  He cleared his throat, spurring her out of whatever reverie was fleeting through her mind. She nodded and began to walk with Cullen back to her cottage. The first few steps were filled with silence before Cullen settled with a cringy one-liner. 

"So, tell me about yourself," He mentally bashed himself as Estel gave a short, breathy laugh. 

"Well, what would you like to know?" Estel asked as they approached the first set of frosty stairs. 

"You are Dalish, what was life like growing up with the Lavellan clan?" He watched as Estel pursed her lips in deep thought. 

"I was First to the Keeper. Growing up, I always had my nose tucked into a book to learn about magic and elven history, or, what there is left of it," Estel explained as she carefully made her way down the stairs. "I didn't really have friends, Deshanna, the Keeper, made sure that I was without distractions," 

"Distractions?" Cullen echoed and Estel nodded. 

"Casual friendships deterred me from my studies," Estel grimaced. "Even now, I'm still researching as much elven history as I can. Perhaps you've heard me speak elven? I'm still learning," 

"So you had no friends?"

"Well, I had acquaintances, but none that would spend enough time around me to risk Deshanna's wrath. The Lavellans are also nomads, we never stayed in one spot too extensively. So wherever we wandered, we made sure to never step on the toes of those native to the area. Making friendships with people we would probably never see again were pointless," Cullen followed closely behind her as they navigated their way past the tavern. 

"What about your family? Didn't their word matter more than the Keeper?" Cullen asked and Estel stopped in her tracks. Cullen felt a sense of unease creeping upon him and knew that was the wrong thing to say...

"...My parents died when I was younger," Estel spoke softly, her voice sounding like the echo of a child's from the haunting past. "During the rise of the fifth blight, the camp our clan had settled was overrun with darkspawn and demons. We were forced to run with barely our lives. My parents didn't make it. They were trapped by an ogre and met their end on the blade of an ancient darkspawn," 

"E-Estel, I had no idea," Cullen whispered remorsefully as she began walking again, silence following. 

" _Ir abelas_ _sul_ _mar laimasha_ ," Estel murmured and glanced over her shoulder at Cullen. "It was the first thing I ever learned to say in elvhen because I heard it so much...it translates to, _I am deeply sorry for your loss_ ,"

"How old were you?" Cullen asked her. 

"I was nine. Old enough to understand and never forget, but young enough I couldn't take care of myself," 

As Cullen began to do the mental math in his head, they approached Estel's cabin.  _Twenty..._ he surmised as he fondly stared at the elven girl. Estel opened the door to the cottage and sighed as the warmth of a lit fire enveloped her cold skin. She began to shrug off Cullen's cloak, discreetly sniffing it before she handed it back to him...It smelled of a clean and crisp, male musk, twinged with firewood and the oil warriors used to clean their swords and weapons. It was a homey, relaxing scent that made Estel relax and especially feel secure at its large weight hugging her.

"I hope I did not offend you by prying into your personal life," Cullen apologized and Estel smiled up at him as he adorned his cloak once more, looking much larger with it back on. 

"Not in the least," She told him warmly. "I will summon the war council tomorrow at noon for an overdue meeting. Thank you for speaking with me. I enjoyed our talk," 

"As did I," Cullen bowed. "It can't be easy opening up like that after years of isolation?" 

"No," She shook her head and cast him another gentle smile. "I'm just glad I found the right person to open up to...Goodnight, Commander," 

Had she not shut the door after his halfhearted mumble in return, she would have noticed the glowing pink on the former Templar's cheeks, the flustered look on his face as he struggled to gather words adequately... It was no longer the sheer beauty of the Herald that had the Commander befuddled with his words, but something deeper and more pristine. She was a mystery, yes, but the more she unraveled the more Cullen found it hard to establish the lines of acceptable fraternization. His brain logically screamed to stop...but everything else screamed go. 

Lingering in the back of his mind was the silent, deadly truth he refused to acknowledge. He was falling for Estel, the beloved Herald of Andraste....

 


	6. Picking Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Estel has been busy since Val Royeaux, and it's obvious both the Templars and Mages are struggling with their own demons. Between establishing power and influence, Estel knows it is time to settle down and make a decision.
> 
> Chapter Song: Toxic - Melanie Martinez (Cestladore Remix)
> 
> {NSFW-- sexual fantasies, masturbation} ;)

**Haven**

**The Frostback Mountains**

**Ferelden**

_Val Royeaux_ was a complete, and utter shit fest. 

Lord Seeker  _asshat,_ as Estel so loosely referred to him (Varric got a kick out of that one), was acting at the blatant disregard for others, even callously assaulting one of the sisters of the Chantry. Only as they began to leave Val Royeaux did Estel's worry peak for the safety of the once righteous Templars, especially acting under a leader so foolishly callous as Lucius. There was trouble broiling and simmering with the order, and it gnawed at her conscience. 

The only good that came from their adventure to Orlais, was the newfound support for the Inquisition in the form of a tall, willowy woman named Vivienne and a rogue elf named Sera, who was a part of a group called  _Friends of Red Jenny_. Estel rather liked Sera's carefree, don't give a shite attitude. 

Of course, Haven was no better with the mage and templar refugees constantly stepping on each other's toes and bickering. Estel found there was almost nowhere for her to have some peace unless she was out at work for the Inquisition. The new order was on a slow rise to power and strength and Haven was becoming more and more cramped as soldiers, scouts, farmers, and resources pulled in from even the farthest corners of the Free Marches.  

Camps had been established and rifts had been closed in Crestwood and the Stormcoast before duty called for Estel to make a decision. "I'm not just saying this because I take up a lot of space myself, but I wonder if this settlement of yours is thinking about expanding at all," Estel's newest warrior companion Iron Bull mused as his men set up their tents on the outside of the village near the battling soldiers under Cullen's command. "Although I like the view, it's good for morale,"

"I'm sure the Chargers will thank you for your thoughtfulness," Estel jested with a warm smile. Iron Bull loosely grinned down at the girl with his one good eye, leering at her suggestively. 

Their meeting had gone well after his second in command Krem showed up on the Inquisition's doorstep like a lost puppy. They had handled themselves well on the Storm Coast, and the Iron Bull was slightly surprised to see such a gorgeous elf holding the title of the  _Herald._ She was flawless in appearance. Pale skin, smooth and even with long blonde hair that fell down to her last rib that she kept tied in a ponytail on the back of her head. Bull could only imagine what it would be like to knot his hands in it as he broke her over and over again-

"Tavern's up in the village on the right. Get settled in and your welcome to a drink," Estel waved farewell to Bull as she walked away, Bull's eyes trailing over the tantalizing sway of her hips. But the Iron Bull wasn't the only one watching her, vying for her affections as she retreated toward the village. Commander Cullen was glaring down his nose at the Iron Bull, practically green with envy...it wasn't the first time she had spoken with another man, of course, but it was the first time another man had so openly displayed his obvious attraction toward her...

All the while, the Herald of Andraste remained completely oblivious to the silent war at stake over her attention as she made her way back to her cottage, to brush up on her notes and history regarding the rebel mages and Templars.  _I'm being overly thorough, but I suppose that's not a bad thing when there are so many lives currently at stake. Especially when one or the other can mean the success or loss of this thing..._ Estel mentally groaned as she filed her thoughts. She was so engrossed in her own devices, she was not aware of a young girl sprinting speedily down the steps until they had collided in a painful clatter. 

"Oof!" Estel huffed as the air was wrenched from her lungs. Looking down, she noticed an elven girl, probably in her teens, nursing her bruised head as she tried to pry herself off the ground. The girl looked up and went a ghostly shade of white as her eyes fell upon Estel. 

"H-Herald! Oh, my sincerest apologies ma'am!" The girl scrambled to bow and Estel just giggled. 

"It's perfectly fine, no worries in the least!" Estel waved her off as the girl relaxed visually. "What's your name?"

"Me? Oh, Mihkaela, milady," The girl bowed and Estel grimaced. 

"I wish people would stop being so damn formal with me," The  _Herald_ grumbled. 

"How does, 'Your Respectful Importantness' sound?" Mihkaela suggested with a hesitant smirk. 

"Have you, by chance, been speaking with a girl named Sera?" Estel chortled. 

"Not yet, but I'll be on the lookout," 

"Good. Well, I hate to cut this short, Mihkaela, but I have to get going. Perhaps I'll see you around sometime?"

"If you ever swing by the tavern," The girl piped after the Herald who threw a charming smile her way.  _What a lovely girl..._

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

Estel's heart was pounding nervously in her chest as she shakily clutched the report tightly in her hands.  _Was I correct in my decision?_ Estel wondered, swallowing anxiously as she began to drum her fingers on the war table, carefully not to disturb the chess pieces set up around the maps of Orlais and Ferelden. Scraps of parchment written with drafts of letters, half-legible requests, and Josephine's financial flubs littered the ground and table, Estel afraid that touching just one piece would result in the ruin of mankind. 

She had summoned the War Council, and now she waited...either for imminent death or disappointment of a few of her fellow peers and advisors. Cassandra was the first to enter, her dark brown eyes falling upon Estel's tensed form and softened ever so slightly. 

"By the way you are shaking like a leaf on a tree," Cassandra spoke, causing Estel to jump and look up at her. "Am I correct to assume you have come to a decision about the Inquisition's alliance?"

Not trusting her mouth just yet, the elven girl nodded and Cassandra felt herself tense up as well, easing on to the back wall as the War Room fell into a thick silence. Josephine entered next, a kind smile settled on her face as she opened her mouth to speak until she noticed the dark, somber looks on the two women's faces. She bit down her words and moved to her favored spot. Leliana and Cullen entered shortly after, the Commander catching the small seizing movements in her thin arms and he furrowed his brows. 

"Shall we begin the meeting?" Leliana asked Estel who jolted as if being stabbed by a lightning staff. She gulped and nodded fervently. 

"It seems the Herald has come to a cataclysmic decision on which side the Inquisition should accept help from," Cassandra spoke and the elf cringed. "Mind you all this is not any easy decision to make,"

"Oh?" Josephine inquired, staring at Estel who struggled to right herself. She watched the girl with concern, knowing this was not such a simple decision to make for a girl who barely even out of her teen years.... in fact, everyone knew. This decision would gnaw at anyone's good conscience, but for someone fresh out of childhood, barely an adult? This was mental torture. 

Blood was rushing in her ears, the silence was deafening and Estel struggled to even breath properly. Anxiety was a bitch in itself, but this seemed far worse. 

"Herald," Cullen finally spoke, ripping her out of the impending breakdown. She looked at him so quickly her neck might have snapped off. "People weren't made to agree, it's why we have war and conflict. But everyone will support your decision, even if they do not like it. We will need an answer sooner or later. It won't do you any good to fret over what your companions out there might think of your choice,"

Estel drew in a deep calming breath and sighed heavily, nodding as she struggled to slow her heartbeat. 

"When you're ready, Herald," Leliana softly spoke and Estel closed her eyes before reopening them and flicking open the file in her hands. 

She cleared her throat...

Clenched her hands...

Bit her bottom lip...

Each move being noticed by the council as she finally began.

"As a nomadic Dalish, I knew nothing of this life except the rumors breathed back and forth. I have spoken with many trusted advocate and pored over many, and I do mean  _many_ history books," Estel explained. "And neither side is completely innocent. But, when it comes to effective order and reform, those who can be readily able and trained to deal with things of this nature...I believe the Templars should have our full support in establishing an alliance," 

There was not a single jaw left unhinged in the room. 

"A-Are you sure?" Leliana questioned and Estel grimaced. 

"I'd prefer you not doubt my decision after I slaved so hard over it," She bitterly muttered and Leliana shook her head. 

"N-No, of course not," 

Cullen was utterly dumbfounded. It appeared everyone was shocked by Estel's decision. It seemed everyone was under the impression she would be quick to offer help and aid toward the rebel mages as she herself was an apostate, but looks were  _clearly_ decieving. Logic came knocking on Cullen's door and the Commander returned to visit Cullen's rather spacious brain. First and foremost, they would need to figure out how to appeal to Lord Seeker Lucius and decipher what had run amok in the Templars to cause them to withdraw completely. 

"The Templars must help close the breach. The order was founded to fight magic!" Cullen agreed sternly, and Estel sent him a praising look that bubbled gooseflesh on his skin. 

"We must first convince the Lord Seeker to bring the Templars out of exile," Leliana nodded. 

"We've received word from a Knight-Recruit. They gather at Therinfall Redoubt," The Commander added, laying his hand to rest on the hilt of his sword. 

"It has been vacant for decades, why go there?" Cassandra piped. 

"We must approach the Lord Seeker again to get anywhere; we can ask him then," Josephine said as she began to scribble on her clipboard. 

"Good luck getting him to speak with us," Estel grumbled. "At any rate, if we present a plan to seal the breach, the Templars may ally with us," 

"First we must prove ourselves a more attractive prospect," Lelianna spoke.  

"If it's status the Lord Seeker seeks, the Inquisition will approach him after allying with the noblest houses in Orlais," Josephine proposed. 

"They'll come with us to Therinfall and demand the Templars help close the breach," The spymaster continued. Cullen managed to speak the same words on Estel's mind. 

"You believe that will work?"

"Even the Lord Seeker would find it difficult to ignore so many nobles on his doorstep." Cassandra smugly smiled. 

"Yes, especially when led by the Herald of Andraste," Leliana said. 

Estel rolled her eyes and sarcastically said, "Is it my good looks you need? Or, my winning smile?" 

"Rumors you were saved from the Fade by Andraste have grown legion among the Templars," Leliana crooked a grin. 

"We've done our part to encourage them," Josephine added. 

"A herald with a few companions may be easily dismissed. Easily set aside," Leliana continued. "That same Herald returning with Noble support will be reconsidered. As will the power of the Inquisition," 

"Am I inspiration or bait?" Estel sighed. "The Lord Seeker does not seem to think I am any  _Herald of Andraste,_ "

"With respect, after that show in Val Royeaux, hang what the Lord Seeker thinks," Cullen sneered distastefully and Estel smiled softly at him. 

"We do not need the Lord Seeker, just his Templars," Leliana agreed. "-with or without his approval. The breach will not wait for our differences to settle,"

 _That was worse than pulling a hen's teeth..._ Estel thought to herself as the advisors soon after left the war room to prepare for the Herald's journey to Therinfall Redoubt. She had hoped to speak with Cullen before retreating to her quarters, but he became swept up in reports about moving and relocating soldiers. She was reminded of Iron Bull's words earlier. If we do gain the assistance of the Templars, wherever will we put them? Haven is becoming too small for everyone...

Cullen was tasked with providing living establishments and room for the Chargers and tirelessly wondered if there would even be room for the Templars after the alliance was made... It had been a pleasant surprise indeed to discover that Estel was on the same page as he about the alliances. He had a hard time remembering that she was a mage. An elven mage at that. He had watched her leave, her lithe body slipping away, and disappointment took her place as she left, although he couldn't decipher why. 

Later, the Commander found himself returning back to his tent when he stumbled upon a cover conversation outside of the tavern between a few of his soldiers...

 _"-they're supposed to be the best!"_ One had laughed boisterously, tossing his head back as he down a gulp from his tankard. 

"Can you even trust him? Doesn't he exaggerate?" The other asked dubiously. 

"Nuh-uh, not when it comes to women," The soldier shook his head. "'s'cause elves are 'posed to be semi-divine people, yeah? Got magic or some shite in their blood,"

"But how does that even affect the way they fuck?" Another soldier objected. 

"Dunno, suppose it's supposed to feel extra good when you stick your dick in it," Cullen did not like how crudely they were speaking, to begin with, nor the subtle racial slur about elves being referred to as 'it'.

"You're so full of it,"

"Think 'bout it. They're bit pompous, right? Stuck up a bit? 'Cause they aren't allowed to have sex, or that's what I heard. They're only allowed to have one partner, any more than that and they get banished for being inconceivable whores," 

"I think you've drunk too much,"

"Heh, maybe not enough. But it supposed to be the best fuck of your life. Like you'll never feel a woman the same way...hm, makes you wonder about our Herald, right?" The soldier chuckled lewdly. "She's got the nicest pair of tits 'round these parts, and tightest little body. Makes you wonder if she has a wild side?" There was a spread of raucous laughter among the troops and Cullen felt a muscle in his jaw jump. 

"How about her arse?"

"And that mouth-,"

" _Unless_ you lot would like to have all your privileges revoked and readily accept a beating tomorrow during training, I would suggest you stop speaking so crudely about the Herald," Cullen snapped testilly from a few yards away. Their faces blushed red with alcohol, suddenly drained as they scrambled for correct mannerisms and apologies. Quickly, they scrambled back into the cabin as Cullen stalked back to his tent, heated from hearing the troops speak so inappropriately of Estel. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Culle awoke with a fierce gasp, panting heavily as sweat poured off his skin. His body was wrought with a tenseness he had never felt before and his mind was still reeling from the authenticity of his dream... _It had seemed so real..._ But there was a painful discomfort between his legs, emitting so much heat he thought his furs might catch fire. Cursing, Cullen tried to sway his thoughts elsewhere to not entertain the pain of his straining erection. In his ears still echoed the soft, fleeting gasps and light moans that spurred him to go 'harder' and 'faster'. 

 _Stop this, right now..._  But, Maker, he had all but felt the elf wrapped around him. It was the first dream he'd had that was not full of red lyrium and death...but somehow, it was much worse. Cullen could see the telltale signs of early dawn glowing a pale blue against his tent and he knew that ignoring his hard-on would not be an option. Even if he could get his swollen cock to relax, he would be waddling for hours as to not apply pressure to his balls that would be growing in color and size. 

Or...he could take a few mere minutes to stroke himself to a sweet release and continue on his day as though this  _never_ happened. He didn't like succumbing to desire, and regretfully uttered a prayer of forgiveness.  _Andraste, forgive me..._ He thought remorsefully as he shut his eyes and allowed his hand to travel down his firm stomach, pausing as he grazed his calloused fingers against his length. 

He thought back to his dream...How Estel had looked up at him with those innocent blue eyes, warm with lust... _Her slender hands traveling down to release his hard cock from its prison. He could still hear her purr of content as she marveled before grasping his dick softly, running her fingers up and down the bulging veins._

Cullen sighed, beginning gripping his dick as he began to stroke himself up and down, kicking his furs off. 

_She dropped to her knees, his hard length an inch from hitting her in the face as she seized him once more before allowing her little pink tongue to give a testing lick across his head, wiping away his salty, beading desire. She then rolled the head of his cock around her tongue, careful to not graze him with her teeth as she began to slowly take him deeper and deeper, inch by inch... Cullen groaned, feeling her tongue lapping at the base of his cock as she suckled him, the warm, wet, and soft interior of her mouth milking him slowly...and she began to bob her head._

The Commander softly moaned, his hand moving faster. 

_He was much too big to fit completely in her mouth so she pumped what she couldn't reach with her hand. She felt like pure bliss as she sucked him, his head tossed back in utter euphoria. And then she removed her head his dick cold without the warmth of her mouth, and he looked up to see her bowing beneath his cock, a devilish grin on her lips as she took one of his balls in her mouth and began to suck. Cullen let out a high pitched yell_ _as she gave the other the same warm, massaging treatment... and then he was back in her mouth._

His breaths began to speed up as he could feel the warm pressure expanding in the base of his balls...

 _He could deal no more with her taunting, slow treatment and grabbed two fist fulls of her frosty blonde hair, securing her head as he began to fuck her face roughly. Oh, Andraste, he was close. He forced himself deeper and heard Estel let out a garbled, objection as she gagged. She placed her hands on his thighs, moving one up to massage his balls as he thrust faster...faster...faster_ -

Cullen could see white as his eyelids flew open and he sputtered out, "M-Maker's balls!" Followed by an animalistic groan he tried to bite back, huffing and gasping as his release boiled over. His seed was hot as it landed on his stomach in thick pools, string after string of white cum dribbled out of the COmmander's cock. He gave a few last strokes and allowed his hand to fall to his side, his chest heaving as he struggled for air. As he slowly recovered from his sweet release a worry began to nag at him. 

He didn't feel guilty as he knew he should for jerking his cock while thinking of the Herald...he didn't feel guilty at all...and he worried what that meant for him. 

 

 

 


	7. Pointy Ears and Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The advisors and their supporters learn something very new about elves and their Herald.
> 
> Chapter Song: Insecure - Shane

**Haven**

**The Frostback Mountains**

**Ferelden**

Cullen couldn't understand it. How in Andraste's name was Estel able to walk around, unaware that she affected him so greatly? 

After his small session in his tent, he was hardly even able to look her in the eye, forcing himself to remember professional courtesy. When he saw the elven mage, she was either speaking idly with Sera, cracking jokes with the dwarf, or a different farming elf. He didn't know the young girl's name, but he could tell she had taken a shining to Estel. Josephine had requested that the Herald remained at Haven until all of the affairs were in order (make contact with all nobles) to travel to Therinfall.  

Estel was jumpy, tension built up her small frame after days of leisure. Estel showed a friendly, social side nobody had seen before compared to the quirky, nervous girl they had all become acquainted with. Between the soft smiles, warm greetings, and late tavern nights that led to deep conversations by the fireplace. Haven had become a home to the elf. There was still much work to be done to make room, but with a little work, it would be enough. 

She also noticed the way The Iron Bull's eyes lingered on her longer than necessary. It didn't make her feel uncomfortable as much as flattered (he was a very large, attractive Qunari) and perhaps a bit intimidated (Again, he was a very large, attractive Qunari). But there were things, regretfully, Estel could not speak to even Varric or Sera about. Magic, as an example. Of course, Estel had her pick of Solas and Vivienne, but Solas was a bit standoffish and Vivienne was...a bitch. Indeed, she was Estel brand of bitchiness, but a tad rude nonetheless. 

Estel tried to talking to Varric about his experience with mages but it ended with him talking about his book, Hawke, and making kissy noises while referring to Cullen...she abandoned him with a blushing, red face. 

So, much to Cullen's quickening heart's dismay, Estel found herself wandering out to the soldiers camp set up outside the gates of Haven. Sera was lingering in her shadow, talking her ear off about some noble when they approached Cullen who cleared his throat and stood up straighter. "So, are they typically sparring as usual today?" Estel asked the Commander who tried to curb his thoughts from thinking aout his cruel fantasy. 

"We're focusing on shield bashing today," He spoke rather curtly as Estel nodded. 

"Well, I'm no warrior, but is there anything I can do to help?" She asked with her wide blue eyes sparkling. "I'm practically going mad without any work, and if I have to meet with one more noble, I'll-,"

"Help ya, steal their breeches 'n watchem' crawl back to their big houses with their bare arses hanging out?" Sera offered and Estel pursed her lips as the rogue elf looked at her hopefully. 

"Something to that effect, yes," She averted her eyes back to Cullen's handsome face, swallowing ever so nervously. "If you would like, perhaps I can demonstrate a few spells to test them? They need to grow accustomed to the idea of fighting mages, possibly, in battle. Variants, I suppose,"

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," Cullen agreed, although his back haunches tensed at the mention of Estel using magic. He had forgotten, in his reverie, that she was a mage. Magic, a whole, curdled his blood and it was a brutal reminder that she... He had to remind himself not to lump all mages into the same batch. Estel was using her magic for good, unlike those that tortured him to the brink of insanity.

"Are you fine with that?" She asked him hesitantly, her piercing blue eyes softening as Cullen kept his eyes glued on the sparring soldiers. She didn't forget that he was distrusting of mages and for once, she loathed her background because of how uncomfortable it made the Commander. 

"Yes, it would do the soldiers some good. Let me rally the troops and we can work something out from there," He spoke, his voice cold and even as he stepped away without once even glancing at her. Estel almost regretted offering her help. Sera nudged her with her elbow, giving her a questioning look. Estel ignored her and watched as Cullen began barking out orders, snapping at certain recruits and they all fell still and silent, the only noice being the winter wind toying with chain mail. 

"-you are ill prepared to fight mages, which could easily mean life or death. Our Herald has graciously offered her assistance in equipping you with the knowledge you need to protect yourselves with in order to fight off the possibility of mages. You will provide your undying, unrelenting attention,"

" _Ser!_ " The recruits chorused and Cullen nodded to Estel. 

Estel's eyes skirted the plain, noticing Iron Bull emerging from his tent to watch curiously, Solas lingering near the gate, and Cassandra peering around the attack dummies for a better look. 

"Well, it's just as the Commander said. We need to be prepared for variants. Mages typically revolve around certain elemental fighting styles, which can be hard to pinpoint in the spur of the moment which is their weapon of choice. But all mages share one common weakness. We are long distance fighters. Close that distance and you have ended the fight," Estel explained to the steely-eyed recruits. "So, I suppose I'll let you all have a go at me,"

" _What?!_ " Sera and Cullen gasped in horror at the same time. Estel grinned at them in response. 

"Calm down, I'll be fine," She reassured them. "I'll just send a few docile spells at each of them and they only have to touch me. No swords though, just a tap," 

"I'm not so sure-," Cullen began and she stepped around him quickly, pulling her staff off her back.

"Who's going first?" She asked loudly and was met with a piercing silence. "No volunteers? How about you?" She twirled her staff and sent a fireball launching towards a baby-faced soldier who shrieked and dove out of the way. "Once you've volunteered, or have been picked, drop your sword and charge me. I won't stop attacking until you've tapped me,"

Another fireball and the recruit was scrambling off the ground as it sizzled past his head. The other soldiers quickly raced out of the line of fire, abandoning their comrade to the mercy of Estel who raised the staff again. The poor boy was wheezing, his fellow troops cheering him, as he finally threw himself at Estel, grabbing her calf. She smiled down at him as the soldiers were shouting happily in the background, and she leaned over to help him to his feet. 

"Nicely done, next don't over exhaust yourself, now who's next?" The boy retreated and there was a show of hands this time. 

Cullen nearly fainted. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~

The only injuries thus far were a few second-degree burns and bruises. Estel remained unscathed except for a small bruise on her calf where a recruit collided with her legs in a powerful rush. The soldiers were breathing heavily, some collapsed on the ground gasping for air, but Estel remained jovial and composed. Cullen couldn't deny, he was enjoying the demonstrations despite his nagging worry. She moved with grace, every step and twirl was part of a well-constructed dance. Her lithe body curled around her staff like an extension of herself. 

Cullen hardly feared magic the way she was using it. Indeed, she was deadly, but her ability to manipulate magic was unlike anything he had seen. It was a fresh breath of air. Leliana and Jospehine had left their offices to watch the sparring, jostling with laughter at the recruits unfortunate mistakes. Varric was standing next to Cullen, chuckling every time a soldier bet the end of Estel's wrath. The only person, not present was Vivienne who was lingering in the Chantry. 

"My turn!" A boisterous voice announced and Cullen narrowed his eyes. It was the noisy, crude recruit from the other night who was talking about Estel. She spun around to lay her eyes on the ruddy faced man and smiled crookedly. 

"Well come on then," She invited him as he dropped his sword and shield like all the others. Cullen bristled internally, not liking the way the recruit gauged the Herald. 

"I only have to touch you, yeah?" He clarified. 

"Appropriately, yes," She said flatly and he grinned. 

"Alright," And he launched himself toward her, Estel grimaced as she aimed a fireball at his feet, throwing him off momentarily. He was it quicker than the rest, and he looked strong. Estel summoned a fire mine, scrunching her nose distastefully as he danced around it. He acted cocky as if he were untouchable. And then he was barreling towards her again, closing the distance in less than a minute. He was well trained, moreso than the rest, and she realized she could not go easy on him. 

"Got ya'-," He grinned snarkily, reaching for her waist. 

In an instant, her staff was on her back, stunning the bystanders. Then, stacking her hands atop each other she swiftly smacked the recruit in the groin, a garbled wheeze emitting from him as she repeated the action until he was hobbled over. Then, she placed two hands on his hips, kneeing him in the gut, each hit driving him backward. With her front foot planted, she pivoted around, lithely pulling the staff of her back as she faced him again and lept backward to gain her distance once more. 

He was sputtering, groaning, and gasping for air as he shakily hit the ground, clutching his abdomen and groin. 

"It's evident you already have training with mages, so I'll let you slide by. There's no need to go easy on someone who already knows what they're doing,"  Estel told him. Sera began barking with laughter, Iron Bull joining in as everyone esle remained stunned. 

"H-How did you know how to do that?" Josephine asked her from not too far away. "You're a mage?"

"Mages are long-distance fighters. If that distance gets closed it can mean life or death for a mage. I learned from a rogue in my clan how to gain that distance back," Estel explained as she truned her back to the writhing recruit. 

"That was fucking brilliant!" Sera wheezed out between rounds of gut-wrenching laughter. Even Solas was stunned, perched at the gate as he watched. Cullen was in a frozen state of awe for the elven mage, his heart thumping at an odd beat in his chest. 

The soldiers were disbanding, Estel's remaining companions drawing in to speak to her about her recent display of hand to hand combat when the unthinkable happened. 

The mouthy recruit lying on the frosty ground had been simmering in his pain, wallowing in self-pity, bitter anger, and bashing shame...suddenly rolled to his feet and threw himself upon the Herald. He latched on to her, pulling her body against his by gripping her long, pointed ears. There was a series of shocked gasps and Estel let out an obliterating scream, her piercing eyes wide with horror and rage. She instinctively drove her elbow into his rib cage, causing him to relax his hold on her ears ever so slightly. 

Her right heel kicked backward, catching him in his sore groin once more and he released her ears altogether. She threw her elbows back, catching him on either side of his temples as she rotated her body back and forth. Now dizzied, she automatically stepped out of his grabbing range and sent a small, fast flying fist toward his face, feeling a satisfying crunch under he knuckles from his nose. 

He hit the ground, blood pouring from his crushed nose as he groaned in agony. The Lieutenant was immediately at his side, evaluating the man's injuries. 

"What in Andraste's-," Leliana began until Estel turned around, cutting her off with an expression of morbid sorrow on her face, he blue eyes red with tears that threatened to spill as her entire body shook with inexplicable rage. 

"Estel?" Varric cautiously spoke, but she brushed past them all, disappearing behind the gates. Cullen wasn't sure how to feel about what just happened. The soldier had attacked Estel uncalled for and cheaply, but why did the Herald look so monumentally destroyed? He wanted to rush after her but was stopped by an arrow flying by his face, narrowly missing the bleeding soldier on the ground. 

"For fuck's sake," Sera snarled, her bow pointed at the recruit "The next isn' going to miss, ya' pissin' shite!" 

Solas was quickly marching down the stairs, staff in hand. He looked as murderous as Sera and Leliana and Cullen used their bodies to stop the two elves in their tracks from committing an obvious homicide. 

"I am not going to sit here and allow someone to administer such an injustice to the Herald," Solas sneered as he gripped his staff tighter. Sera gave an affirming nod.

"I'm not sure I'm following what's going on here," Leliana spoke blandly, her eyes darting to the panicked soldier behind Cullen's knee.

"It's not about her being the Herald as it is her being a lady you skeevy, blighted-" Sera's sentence was cut off by Iron Bull who was scratching his horns awkwardly.

"It's about her ears, isn't it?" He asked, his good eye flickering up to his horns. "Sort of like the Qunari. We don't like having our horns touched and prodded,"

"The only thing I know about elven ears was the horrid things slavemasters did to the elves many years ago..." Cassandra spoke and Leliana and Cullen urged her to continue with confused glares. "They would...cut off the elven slaves ears and...save them as good luck charms and trophy case items,"

Cullen's stomach rolled sickeningly as Sera shouted.

"It's more than just that," She snapped as she withdrew another arrow from her quiver and loaded it into her bow. "Issa' shame, I know nothin' bout elfy culture and shite but even I know about the thing with the ears. 'Course I am an elf...the ears, right, they're a lot more sensitive than anythin' else. Similar to havin' your Willy whacked, yeah? Ya' don't just go touching their ears, it's like flipping up a ladies skirt,"

"That was fairly well put, Sera, albeit a little colorful," Solas nodded. "Elves have more nerves in their ears than humans have in even the most discreet places. Touching elf ears is saved for only those of close relationship or significant others. Doing it against one's knowledge or consent is the equivalent to groping a woman's bosom. I can understand where you did not know at the time, but punishment is due here and I am not going to sit idly by while my kind is subjected to unfair treatment once more,"

"This isn't about her being the Herald," Sera nodded, pointing the arrow at the soldier. "It's about her respect as a woman. And it should be because she's the Herald that you banish this sodden cretin to the farthest side of the Free Marches, or better yet, the Fade!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was later that evening when Cullen's good conscience spurred him to go and check on Estel's well being. The soldier had been dealt with and disbanded from the Inquisition and training exercises ceased for the remainder of the day. It was dark out, the moon was nowhere to be seen, but the glittering stars offered a bit of solace. The stars and flakes of snow all seemed to blend together like a winter wonderland, and a stark beauty wrapped around the small village of Haven. 

Cullen stared at the mahagony door, taking in every line, scar and detail of it as he bided his time. He worried for Estel, yes, but his nerves anchored him to the ground, paralyzing his arms to his sides. How might she react if she saw him? What if she screamed? What if she hated him? Cullen became glum at the idea of being on the receiving end of her dislike. 

He didn't have much time to procrastinate as the door was ripped open to reveal Varric. The dwarf looked very sullen until his eyes lay on Cullen and a smirk quirked his lips. 

"Commander," He greeted, closing the door before he spoke. "How nice to see you. Dropping by to check on our beloved Herald?"

"Don't sound so smug," Cullen quipped, stepping backward to give the dwarf room to walk around him. "It's professional courtesy,"

"I see," He still sounded smug. "The soldier was dealt with?"

"Yes,"

"Good. Now go check on that girl before she has a breakdown worrying about you," Varric sighed as he walked away. 

"M-Me?" Cullen was puzzled and the dwarf gave him a nameless stare. 

"She's been beating herself up for supposedly sticking her nose in your business. Estel feels like if she hadn't jutted into your training, the soldier wouldn't have acted out and you wouldn't be forced to take action... a bunch of complicated shit," Varric waved his hand as he spoke. "I'm sure she wants to speak to you, just... tread carefully. She's a little sensitive right now,"

Varric disappeared up the staircase towardS his tent and Cullen swallowed nervously, taking advantage of his momentary mobility as he knocked on the door, pushing it open as he heard a tired, feminine mumble on the other side. 

"- _Varric, I told you to go-,_ " Estel spoke. She was lying in her bed, bundled in thick furs. Cullen paused in his tracks when her frigid eyes lay upon him. "C-Cullen,"

"I came to check on you, Herald," Cullen said, his voice a bit softer than normal. "Are you...all right?"

"I'm fine," She stared down at the furs in her lap. "You're welcome to come in. I'm afraid I broke the only chair earlier, I hope you don't mind sitting on my bed,"

"You broke the only chair?" He quoted her, stepping into the room to see a pile of splintered wood near the fireplace. 

"Yes, Varric and I got into a...discussion, earlier,"

"Chairs don't break when you're just having a discussion," Cullen told her knowingly as he stopped at the foot of her bed. She looked up at him with a quaint smile etched across her face. 

"Alright, so we had a clash of opinions," 

"Might I ask what about?" He asked and she scrunched her face. 

"Varric doesn't think I am choosing to form an alliance with the Templars for the  _right_ reasons," She told the Commander. "I merely told him that there are no justified 'right reasons' when at war,"

"Truer words have never been spoken," Cullen commended her and she smiles softly again. "I'll also have you know that your friend's loyalty stretches to unfathomable limits,"

"Oh?"

"Sera and Solas had to be physically restrained when you left," Cullen explained and his face creased with concern. "Are you... all right?"

"I'm fine," She answered quickly. 

"They explained the function and significance of elven ears," The Commander continued. "I had no idea. I humbly beg your forgiveness, Estel, not as the Herald but as a lady. A thousand apologies could not express how deeply I regret what happened today. I take full responsibility,"

Estel switched a mystified, icy gaze on the Commander as his honey and whiskey eyes found bruising welts on her pointed ears and twinged with sorrow. He bowed his head instinctively and Estel wanted nothing more than to lift his handsome face with her own two hands. 

"No, Cullen, I'm sorry. You are the Commander and you know what is best for your troops. I had no reason to be traipsing around your authority. I should have left their training up to you," She apologized quickly. "I undermined your authority, I take the blame," 

Her small fists tightened, gripping the furs with her clenched fingers. Cullen noticed this and felt guilt plummet into his stomach. Unable to restrain himself, he sat upon her mattress, Estel looking up at the sudden shift in weight and he lay his large and warm, calloused hands upon her delicate, small ones. They released the furs immediately. Her glacier blue eyes melted under the arm gaze of his burning amber orbs and she nearly liquified as he spoke huskily. 

"Estel, you are a priceless treasure to the Inquisition. You may be the Herald of Andraste, but first and foremost you are a lady and you should be treated as such," He spoke to her earnestly and offered a crooked smile, the scar on his lip tilting. "Albeit a strong lady who can kick the ass of any of my soldiers," 

The elven girl choked on a laugh at that. 

"At the risk of sounding nosey, how did you know how to fight like that?" Cullen pressed and she smiled, her heart sinking ever so slightly when his warm hands left hers. 

"After my parents died, Deshanna took me into her care as First to the Keeper. She wanted to train and groom me to be the next Keeper of the clan. I could use magic but I was not proficient at all and after months of trying, she surmised that I lacked confidence in my ability to defend myself. I told you she kept me isolated, yes?"

"Of course," He nodded. 

"I was only ten when I was introduced to a boy in our clan. He was a skilled hunter and five years my senior. Devyn. He taught me how to fight, and after a weeks time, my ability to wield magic surpassed expectations. I had the self-confidence to handle myself should the fight turn to closed quarters. Devyn taught me everything," Estel grew misty-eyed. 

"But he didn't stay...?" Cullen asked and she shook her head. 

"I admired Devyn. I was almost twelve and I anticipated my lessons with Devyn every day, so much the Deshanna caught on when I began to neglect my lessons. She assumed the relationship between us was inappropriate and within two days, she had sent him to the forward scouts that scouted the land for new area for camp. They always stayed on the move. I haven't seen him in years," Estel sighed dreamily and looked back up at Cullen. "I had to be kept pristine, focused, unaffected by worldly desires and distractions,"

"Pristine?" Cullen repeated. "So you've never had companions?" He wished he hadn't pried as her face turned quizzical. 

"Companions? I have Varric, Solas, Sera, Bull-," 

 _Oh, to be so naive..._ Cullen thought ruefully and smiled. 

"Nevermind that," He chuckled awkwardly, scratching his head as his eyes glued to her ears. "Do you have to clean the wounds? The bruising is darkening,"

"Adan used a healing potion with ice water," Her blue eyes flickered to the bowl sitting on the end table. "I suppose I should try cleaning them again,"

"...Would you like help?" Maker, Cullen wanted to fish those words back as soon as they left his mouth. How stupid? He had only just found out that touching elf ears is the most sacred gesture among elvhen kind. Before Cullen oculd scramble to recover his words-,

"Yes, please," Estel's soft, feathery voice plead. She had felt his large, tough hands atop her skin and wondered what it might  _feel_ like to have them upon the flat planes of her stomach, caressing her long legs, holding her frostbitten cheeks, and yes, even stroking her ears. It was an action that elves save between spouses and lovers, sometimes even between family. Estel craved his touch, and there was no Keeper, no clan, no Deshanna around to correct her and deem her actions inappropriate. 

Finally, Estel could make her own decisions and reap the consequences. 

Cullen gaped at her like a fish out of water and her face filled with warm color. So the elf leaned over and grabbed the small bowl of icy water off the end table and offered it to the Commander who regarded her with a look full of unending shock and horror. 

"A-Are you sure?" He stammered. "After today, you want me to-?"

"Yes, Cullen," Estel spoke gently, her voice quiet and silky as she plead with her piercing eyes. "I trust you. So, please..."

Cullen stared at the cloth in the bowl and at her bruising ears before he moved robotically. He picked up the cloth, ringing it out and exercised great hesitance as Estel gave an affirming nod. The Commander's heart was slamming fast in his chest, almost as quickly as Estel's thundering heartbeat. And then he lay the cool cloth against her left ear, the cartilage and skin sore and bruised. She flinched ever so slightly at the contact and sighed, relaxing into the gentle touch. 

Slowly, Cullen began to stroke the cloth across her pointed ear, Estel's eyes fluttering shut as she hummed ever so softly at the touches. Indeed, her ears were still sore but Cullen's touches were heaven upon the bruised cartilage. He paused, nervously inquiring, "Am I even doing this right?"

"Yes, yes, don't stop," She mumbled, urging him to continue as he lay the cool cloth against her right ear. Cullen's skin was skitted with gooseflesh at her sultry tone and his good graces screamed at his to stop. But he didn't want to, he was making the Herald feel good and that was all that mattered in the moment. Estel's content sighs and moans....He was pleasing the Herald. 

And suddenly, that was reason enough to drop the rag and dart off the bed. Estel felt eerily cold without his presence nearby and whippe dher head around quickly, her face filling with hurt. "C-Cullen, did I do something wrong-?"

"Don't call me Cullen," He responded hastily, a stab to Estel timid little heart. "I apologize. I am acting extremely unprofessional, Herald, and we have both forgotten our place among the Inquisition," 

"I beg your pardon?" Estel quipped. 

"I don't... I believe I need some time to get my bearings back," Cullen was pacing, unable to meet her stare. 

"I am not understanding," Estel shook her head. 

"You're the Herald of Andraste, Estel!" Cullen finally spun on her with animosity. "I should not be behaving so immodestly. Neither should you. A religious figure and the Commander of the Inquisition need to work in accord and civility,"

"Don't you dare tell me I am acting inappropriate," Estel warned him with a glower. "I didn't leave my clan to be treated like that again," 

"Estel-, Herald..." Cullen sucked in a deep breath. "I am only asking that we treat each other with professional courtesy. You are a religious icon now, and I do not want to taint your reputation by being with you and referring to you so casually,"

"But you're not!" Estel argued and Cullen turned to the door. 

"Take your time to mull this over, Herald, and understand where I am coming from, please," Cullen spoke, pausing with his hand on the door. "You know where I am located should you require anything from me...I hope you will heal quickly," And then he left, the fading reminder he was ever there was the brisk air that intruded from outside. 

Estel sat on her bed, clutching the air around her as if she were trying to seize Cullen to stop him and make him see reason. But he was gone. His fleeting words echoing in her bruised ears.  _I hope you will heal quickly..._ But Estel knew that she wouldn't as something painful broke inside of her. It was a deep pain, stabbing and full of guilt as tears filled her eyes for the second time that day. 

" _Ir abelas,"_ Estel softly whispered her voice cracking ever so softly. She would not heal quickly, because the pain that the beloved Herald of Andraste was feeling was something was only feeling for the first time in her sheltered, innocent, and naive life. 

Rejection. 

 

 

***Ir Abelas- I am sorry/I'm sorry**


End file.
